kenoslogs | THE ADVOCATE ORACLE - A RIP VAN WINKLE IN TIME

THE ADVOCATE ORACLE - A RIP VAN WINKLE IN TIME

Sweet dreams are made of Bliss

As the twilight falls, and bearers begin to tuck in for their evenings on the night of the 15th of March (OOC time) and whether they tuck themselves into bed fully, or simply drift away in the middle of their dinner, work, indulgences, or what have you; bearers will fall into a deep, deep sleep. Perhaps you slump in your chair, or you wrap your arms around a teddy bear, or partner, or cup a precious shard in your sleep, it doesn’t matter, because as you drift away, into a sleep that seems to tug you under like the undertow itself, a question will echo in bearer’s minds: “If given the choice, would you show compassion in the face of adversity?”

It sticks with you, even as you fall into a dreamless sleep. As if it rotates in your mind, over and over, letting you worm over that. You know for certain what it is, that it is the calming, soothing voice of the Oracle, reaching out to you across the ether, telling you – promise you – that if you accept its promise, you will find that the Oracle could be in your hands. That thought leads you to dream of something else – of home, or your loved ones – of what you are fighting this war for. Even as you dream, you feel a presence next to you, and unlike the Harbinger’s winding, rough digging, this is more akin to a friend, who is asking you soft, coaxing questions. Things like: what was your childhood like? What were your friends like? What did you do? You cannot help but think of them, think of your home and your loved ones. Of where you came from, and how it made you what you are.

The advocate seeks to understand you, and where you come from. You can feel it, that overwhelming Acceptance and love from it, even as you reminisce, compelled to answer the multitude of questions, you can feel something building behind you, around you. “Don’t you want them all to understand this?” the impression is given through communion, and you cannot help but answer: yes.

Click your Heels together, Dorothy!

As you awake for the first time, it’s alien, the world that meets you. New smells fill your nostrils, new sights, the gravity is perhaps different than you’ve gotten used to on Kenos, even those slight shifts enough to make the world feel wholly different. You remember the advocate’s words, and it wants you to feel what it feels. Understanding. Compassion, and perhaps there is a sense that doing so would hurt yourself in turn, if you understood too much. That is the advocate’s way, after all, isn’t it?

You feel an inexorable, slight tug in your chest. Something subtle and gentle, the slightest of sensations, that gives you a direction. You know it, your mind only just now comprehending the advocate’s confusing impressions via communion, that there is something of this world’s… Soul/center/heart or whatever word you want to use for it. Something about this world that will help you along your path, and help you with the results you so desire. You know it will not guarantee a victory, but surely it will help. Especially as your numbers dwindle from world to world. You are left with an impression from the Advocate -- if you die, they cannot bring you back. There is apology in this, but alone, one oracle is limited. Only united, can they truly change your fate.

The lingering presence of the advocate starts to fade. You know this is a bearer’s world, if not your own. You look around, to see perhaps a familiar face nearby? Or perhaps you are alone. Does it matter? You know that this place belongs to a bearer, but whether they are a friend or an enemy, one has to begin to determine that. You’ll need your wits, you’ll need your strength and resolve to make it to the end of this, won’t you?

After all, as bearers were recently reminded: this is War. This is not simply the fate of this world, but perhaps all, as it will require you to find the answer to this question. So you start to move, you start to look around, explore, and search. For the soul of each world, for the bearers that lie dreaming within, and your foes that will seek you out. Stay steadfast, for the way out will come, if you make it to the end. The longer you spend in each world, however, the more the shadows look darker, and deeper. Hungrier. The more the spaces seem smaller or compressed. As if there is something gnawing away at the sides, making their way to the heart.

Around the world in ~~60 seconds~~ 12 hours

When you find yourself at the end, when you close your eyes – only a blink, but it hangs, as if the momentary motion is enough to suspend you into a suspended space before. You can see the two options stretched out before you – metaphysically – the impression of it. A long, long shadow cast over one. As if there is a presence hovering over and above, like waiting jaws, ready to strike. In the other, there remains…nothing. It is not pleasant, it is not comforting, it simply… is. A sense that there is now a lack of anything, almost like it had never existed before.

Does this world have value? You can feel the Advocate ask. Do you want to give them a chance to live? Or does should this world cease, is there nothing here to save?

And though you are compelled, required to answer, you know this question for what it is. Short-sighted. Both, in the end, will lead to its destruction, but which will you choose? Will you allow the world to continue, even with that long shadow cast, like a hungry beast with snapping jaws; or will you erase it from existence and spare it that oncoming apocalypse?

Catch [???] Winks

The last world’s fate decided, bearers float in an endless sea of stars. You can see them all, spread before you. Intermittently, they wink out, swallowed into the darkness, consumed as the shadows, that inky-black nothingness grows ever-larger. It looks upon you, bearers. It is nothing, but you have its attention, and your blood runs cold, your limbs frozen. You cannot move, you cannot speak, you cannot breathe. You feel it, the power of being drawn into it, like it wants to consume you. Like it knows you.

T̸̢̼̯͓̬̘́̀̋̆͊h̷͔̣̱̝͍̬̣͕̄̂͗̆͒͌͜ͅẹ̶̱̩̅͒̿̇͠ ̵̭̹͇͖̔̀ṃ̸̢̧͙̟̼̜͌͆̍͝͝ͅo̴̟̞̓̆̇̐̆͊̽͆̂̀r̶͈̺̮̠͙̗͌ę̸̤̻̈́͐͂̓̊͐̂͆ ̵̡̛͎̩̳̤͔͚̱̼̆̒̓y̴̺̞̹̺̝̤͂ǫ̷̡̣̱̥͊̈́̓͑̕͘ű̵̼͜͜ ̶̨̨̝̟̘̱͇̲̻̪̊͂̽̈̒͊f̴̱̐͌̌̓̋̔́̀͝i̶͖̤͎̬̝̦͒̂g̸̳̰̟̀̓̽̈́̐h̸̼͍̮͎̊̅͗͊̈͋̽̀͘t̴͔͚́̓,̷̨̧̱̠̙̠̙̱̒̍̽̾ ̷̖̰̼̬̟͐̊̂t̶̖̄͂̅̃̍͐̊̑̅͜͝h̴̢̛͙̪̞̫̝̺̋̅̿͛̇̚͝͝ͅͅȩ̶͉̤͍̠́̈͑̏͋̚͘͝ ̸̢̨̧͚̖̤̪̬̪̀̉̐͗̂͆͑̚̕̚c̴̠̩̳͎̲̪͔̟̈́͂̉͑́l̶̡̲̻̣̘̏́ͅo̶̢̧͔͈̬̳̰͈̝̻͌̋̆̃͒͗̏͘ş̴̪̺̣̥̎̽̿͗̒́͛̕̚̚e̴̺͍̤͖͂̇͑͂̋͂̆̾r̴̨̩̈́͋͠ ̷̧͚̲̩̖̋͒̉́͗y̶̘̖̝̑̈͊ǒ̵͚̽u̵͎͍̇̀̏̊̕͝ŕ̷͎̜̘͙̀̋ ̶͇̲̝̞̖̝̣̘̝̬͋d̷͔͈͔̀̿õ̴̝̯͇̹̘̏͗͜ö̵͚͓͆m̵͉̦̫̥̦̞̫͐̆͐̿͊͒͌͋͜.̷̼͈̻̥̜̾̏͐̾̐͆͘͜

You gasp, as you startle awake, and open your eyes for the first time in a long time.

CODING

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[ Matt returns Sebastian's gaze with a frown of his own, thoughtful as he listens. He's not sure he understands what he means about a change in perspective, but the rest seems clear enough. Painfully clear.

It may be a bad idea to try helping Sebastian, and Matt is undoubtedly naive. But his desire to help him, though influenced by affection, at least isn't based on the idea that Sebastian deserves it. That he isn't dangerous. Simply that it's wrong to keep him fettered. ]

Freedom is hard to grasp, [ Matt agrees. A small smile. ] I had to fight for mine, even if it wasn't all that hard. [ That is: Going against his family after a lifetime of going with the flow was hard. But in the grand scheme of struggles for freedom, not so much. ] So that's where I'm coming from when I ask about stuff like this.

[ Sebastian hums out a note that still seems a bit troubled, but it’s more because this is… confusing. It’s not as if he’s unaccustomed to receiving peoples’ affection, since he’s purposefully adept at collecting it. There’s even no small part of the “friendship” he’s cultivated with Matt that was just that.

…Or it was, maybe more accurately. He’d had more intention in his gentle words (and outright seduction—) when they had been in Horos. After over a year in Kenos, however, it had shown him a different, more unexpected freedom. There wasn’t so much of a need to do that sort of thing. Demons were not myth here or even treated with all that much hostility. The handsome, elegant man may be a mask for something horrible, but it was hardly one he needed to stick to so strictly. Matt knew the truth of what he was better than anyone in his world had, save for Ciel, to put a finer point on it.

…So, he’s unsure of how to take someone seemingly earnest in wanting to, what? Help him? It’s a first when they know what he is. ]

I believe I understand.

[ Enough, at least. He’s perplexed but it, but. ]

Then… [ He pauses again, though this time he’s just uncertain of whether to continue the (clumsy) farce or not. ] Then it would be preferable to remove any barriers to freedom, no matter the risk, I would say.

Edited 2024-03-28 01:49 (UTC)

[ While Matt can feel a certain confusion from Sebastian, he can't tell at all where it comes from. In a strange way, he's grateful that the link they share as Stargazers isn't a perfect one. Partly that's for selfish reasons--he doesn't want Demeisen or Ruby asking him hey what's with the ringing pain in your wrist once a week. But partly, it's because he knows Sebastian values his ... privacy, or perhaps opacity. ]

Okay. [ Matt would nod, but mid-dance, the gesture doesn't feel natural to him. Thinking about it is a little like contemplating tapping his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time. ] In that case ... I'd think the first step would be analysis.

If it were me, and I didn't want a knot untied, and I was the kind of person who felt like it was okay to non-consensually collar someone ... I'd try and rig something to punish either the wearer or the lockpicker. [ His nose wrinkles. ] Hence my worries about "hurt or make it worse." But a magical scan is the least invasive thing I can think of to gain some information.

…It is more likely to be the wearer, I think.

[ And clumsy as it may be, he understands what Matt is working at then. It’s indirect, so it’s not as likely to trigger its crushing hold, true. But he’s already personally tested that limit somewhat, and thus he knows some of its lines better. For example, it’s not so much punishment as it is preservation. The secrets he knows are the point, and thus the better, harsher punishment would be towards him. It’s not to say that Matt wouldn’t get a slap, though. ]

But such a thing seems a pragmatic choice. With a knot so thoroughly, magically tied, I do not know much of it, personally.

[ A younger couple having their fun drifts a bit out of rhythm and too close, so Sebastian smoothly pulls Matt closer in the turn so that they can move past with ease. ]

In that, I would have to defer to your expertise… But I could assist in whatever way would be best, naturally.

[ Matt's breath catches gently, his grip tightening on Sebastian's shoulder as he wheels them out of the way. Like every step Sebastian's taken, the maneuver feels surprisingly effortless, and Matt grins in brief appreciation.

Back to business. ]

I appreciate it, [ he says, sincerely. ] In terms of assistance ... I think it's a question of finesse versus raw power. I'd want to spend a little time gathering ingredients for a scry and thinking about the best spell configuration--

[ A frown. ]

Ah, let me know if I should avoid writing that down for any reason. [ Matt doesn't know who did this, after all. He's pretty sure not Gavial? Still, maybe a written record wouldn't be smart. ] But if finesse alone won't get it done, I might ask you for your help generating some energy.

[ If you know what he means. ]

[ The appreciation at least gets Sebastian’s tight expression to soften (in some ways, he’s simple), and it eases into a more relaxed laugh at the last bit. He does know what he means. ]

Well, I do not mind, of course. So long as that energy is acceptable when it… Well, I do not know the particulars, actually. Does it come from me?

[ He questions it with a gentle laugh, since he’d been on his way to making a joke about how his help could taint it, what with being a demon and all… But even in jest, he’s not sure it works. Still, though. He gives Matt’s waist the lightest of squeezes that’s just enough to be felt but not to be see as untoward. The balance of etiquette in this time period does at least make flirting a bit more challenging, and therefore fun. ]

But you needn’t— Well, perhaps you could write it once but not keep it. If you write it and show it to me, I can remember it for you as well. [ He shrugs lightly, since he’d said as much when they’d talked of books, and Matt has likely spent time perusing Sebastian’s personal, recreated collection of literature, so it’s not new information. ] If you ever wanted to reread such notes, I could even conjure it already bound as a book, really.

[ Matt laughs too, a laugh that sinks into a hum at the squeeze to his waist. ]

It comes from both of us, [ he says, warm. ] I'm always happy to use just my own energy for a spell, whether it's breath or what have you, but when it's both of us ... you build something that's more than the sum of its parts. So it'd be mine, and yours, and ... the notes that come from harmonizing, as it were. I think it's really special.

[ Matt smiles, aiming to catch Sebastian's eye. Before he can linger too long on his feelings about sex magic, though, Sebastian points out how his own abilities might be useful for discreet note-taking. Matt brightens. ]

That is too cool, [ he says. He squeezes Sebastian's shoulder, this time in giddy excitement. ] I'd want to try that even if there wasn't any percentage in being sneaky, so ... yes please. Sign me up.

[ He listens to the explanation with open interest, since of the various kinds of magic that Sebastian has learned about in his worldhopping tenure, Matt’s is definitely one of the more unique. It appeals to him, since at least with how Matt explains it, there’s a certain poetry he appreciates. It’s why he nods in gentle agreement that it’s special when their eyes meet, and he means it. There’s a touch of romanticism that perhaps doesn’t completely suit him in it, but he can still appreciate the symbolic beauty of it in the same way he would a poem.

The waltz trails off as the song ends, and Sebastian leads them towards the side in a brief pause to see what’s next. He looks away from Matt and to the musicians so that he can get a quicker idea, and it’s just in time to be praised. His expression is still composed and elegant in a way that matches their surroundings, but he does smile just a bit more and tip his head forward lightly.

Through Communion, though.

You would think he’s never praised for how the proverbial space of it warms from the cool neutral he seems to settle at naturally. ]

Then we shall give it a try. I am not terribly imaginative when it comes to cover designs, so do pardon me in advance, but I hope you would be pleased despite that.

[ It’s humble and would almost seem falsely so, but… No, he’s very critical when it comes to his imagination, or lack thereof. The music picks up to a jauntier tune, though, and with a little ah of recognition, he smiles at Matt. He shifts his hand from his waist to take one of Matt’s and hold it lower and to the side. Though there is a smooth, deliberate way in how his gloved hand guides Matt’s that’s still that demure, deniable flirtation. Unsurprisingly, he’s very good at it. ]

The Schottische next? You waltz well, so shall we try something a bit livelier?

[ Oh wow, that's fun. The warming glow that passes through their connection reminds him of downing a shot of whiskey (or Braindance). And if drugs and alcohol are just substances that make certain chemicals pop off in your brain, then really, what's the difference between taking drugs and soaking up Sebastian's pleasure? ]

I'm looking forward to it, [ Matt assures him with a smile. Quite frankly, he'd much rather be planning his scrying spell and watching Sebastian turn his notes into a shadowy grimoire than stuck in a dream war. Alas.

He lets Sebastian move his hand, gaze flicking down to follow the movement. It's a small thing, but Matt revels in it: the smoothness of the gesture, Sebastian's certainty. Matt brushes his thumb over his gloved hand. ]

I have ... no idea what that is, [ he admits, grinning. ] So if you're ready to take your life into your hands, or you think you can whip me into shape--I'm in.

[ Sebastian laughs and gives Matt’s hand a playful little squeeze. ]

Ah, you should be careful with your words, Matt. How am I supposed to take either sentiment…?

[ He’s definitely teasing, though, and he doesn’t give Matt much time to tease back, since he starts to lead and instruct on the dance smoothly. In steps, it’s not much harder than a waltz, but it’s definitely quicker paced. Yet with the skipping nature of the hops and steps, it’s more energetic too, and it sends them more fully around the dancefloor. He at least waits to pick up the conversation again until Matt has a decent enough handle on the steps. ]

You are a quicker study than the young master was, at least. The boy was a terrible dancer.

Oh--

[ The hops are nearly his undoing. Matt tries to match Sebastian while following the dictates of rhythm and speed, but there are a couple of unfortunate moments where he manages to hit his apogee right as Sebastian's coming down. By the time they've gone halfway around the dance floor, he's more or less got it, and his grip on Sebastian relaxes from stressed out dog wearing shoes to whoa we're dancing?

He smiles at the praise, faint though it may be, but with a bit of a furrow in his brow. Save for the obvious relatively recently. The other version of him learned a lot about Ciel, right away--his deal, the sacrifice he'd offered. This version of Matt has only seen pieces, and is only now starting to pore over them. ]

I was terrible when I was his age, [ he says. ] I'm sure he could've learned, if he'd had time.

Probably… He would have hated every second, though. He had all of the curmudgeonly demeanor of a much, much older man.

[ With the laughing tone of it, it’s clear that he really means something like “elderly.” Even long gone, Sebastain will never pass up on a chance to bully Ciel, apparently. It was just too much fun. Thus, it does inspire a feeling of fondness, though it’s muted and also a bit… off. It’s not the sort of fondness that someone might feel over someone departed. It’s closer to the nostalgia of a memory. ]

Though it is not as if I do not understand his distaste. Considering his would-be fate, all of the posturing of high society seemed like a grand waste of time.

[ A hop, a spin. The dance is starting to not match the conversation well, but Sebastian doesn’t seem bothered. He’s actually a bit interested in how this Matt might take it, though the curiosity remains light. ]

I imagine he would have been rather glad for what happened to his Shard, now that I consider it.

[ Matt chuckles, a dim echo of Sebastian's amusement. He's mercifully distracted by their dance, but it's clear that underneath, Matt feels for Ciel the same sorrow he'd feel upon hearing any child had died. Below that, he nourishes uneasy suspicions about the people of Kenos--and his fellow Shard-Bearers. The options for culprits, as far as he can imagine, seem to be local Kenosian elements, someone from Zenith, or someone from Meridian. None of those options is good; the latter two make him feel sick.

There's only so far Matt can game all that out while the music makes its demands, however. They hop, they spin: Matt clutches at Sebastian again, huffing a laugh over it a moment later. Then he frowns, curious. ]

Why do you say that?

Pettiness, mostly. But a deeper, fairer sort, at least. I imagine he would deeply prefer nonexistence to being in my possession.

[ It’s easy for him to admit. He doesn’t so much as hesitate in the steps of the dance or even what he feels. In part, it’s because he’s already had this conversation before. He knows that Matt takes the information well, though he doesn’t fully understand why.

Yet, there’s just as much a part that’s just the time he’s had since. There were people that loathed what he was and what he did, certainly… But not nearly as many as he would have expected. He feels more confident in admitting his true thoughts, since they’ve rarely been met with the sort of backlash that would have him delicately hide them behind all his perfect manners. ]

The Covenants I offer are simple, really. I give myself over to my master and grant their deepest wishes. No matter the wish, I will see it delivered to them. The young master’s is the only one I have ever failed, technically speaking.

[ …He doesn’t count it, though. The circumstances were so far outside of his control that it seemed unfair as a mark on his otherwise perfect record. ]

And when I have given them their wish… Their soul is mine. That is always the price I ask. [ He shrugs gently ] It was the young master's poor luck that he did not intend to summon me at all, but he still desired my power. So, I imagine he would be very pleased to deny me the fruits of my years of laboring for him.

Edited 2024-03-30 03:44 (UTC)

[ Matt misses the next series of hops entirely.

It's not because he's upset, per se. The story Sebastian tells fills in the dim shape of demons are dangerous with excruciating particulars, making his chest ache with a helix of sadness and bittersweet satisfaction for the boy Ciel. But Matt's actual, physical shock comes not from anger or indignation, but from recognition: he recalls Sebastian's hand on his cock, his tongue dragging over the emerald lotus that houses Matt's soul. A hunger that grows sharper and deeper the more it tastes.

He recovers himself, sliding Sebastian a glance that's apologetic--but a little distracted. ]

I see.

[ He doesn't ask what could have possibly motivated a kid to ask for a demon's power, and at so towering a price. For one thing, morally bankrupt people exist, but more crucially ... life isn't fair. And it isn't fair to children. He's curious about Ciel's situation, but he doesn't have to stir his imagination very far to imagine the kind of circumstance that could prompt a child to lash out, out, out--and reach into the void. ]

[ He doesn’t criticize the missed steps, for once.

No, Sebastian’s attention is so wholly focused on Matt that he doesn’t think it’s worth pointing out. No matter how many times he watches someone come to this sort of understanding, he’ll always enjoy it. Deception is practically his nature, and yet he loves to see people push through and see him for what he is. In part, at least. There are few that truly manage it. ]

Do you dislike it?

[ “It” is intentionally vague too. “It” could be many things, and it’s just as telling which one Matt picks here. ]

[ The music jaunts on, and though Matt keeps up as best he can, it's with less energy and attention for the steps themselves. He, too, is focused on his partner. ]

It makes me sad, [ he answers eventually. ] Whatever brought him to that place. [ And it's true: There's an undertow of grief to his emotions, dragging everything else--apprehension, horror, uncertainty--down with it. He hesitates. ] I don't know what "dislike" would ... really mean, though, in this context.

Do you mean do I wish you were different?

[ He hums out a thoughtful note first, but it’s hard to tell what feeling comes with it. He could share Ciel’s miserable tale, certainly, but there seemed to be far less point in it now. It’s not exactly where his interest lies both for the conversation at hand and in general what he’s interested in learning from Matt. The question he asks is far better. ]

It could mean many things. [ He at least “elaborates” with that much so that it’s clear that he’s intentionally vague. ] But that is an interesting one.

[ It really is a dance that’s ill-fitting for the conversation, but he rather enjoys that. It may not be the intimate waltz, but with how he matches Matt’s less brisk steps, it feels a little more intense. Or perhaps that’s just the natural effect of Sebastian’s attention when it’s so focused. ]

Do you?

[ There’s no accusation or distaste in the question. Whatever the answer, it seems like he’s simply curious to know it. ]

[ Matt's starting to feel slightly out of breath. Embarrassing, since he tries to stay in decent shape, but dancing feels like it engages different muscles than he's accustomed to using. It demands different breathing patterns, too. Sebastian, of course, glides along with perfect ease, though his attention on Matt doesn't exactly feel easy. More like the narrowing focus of a dark lens. ]

Maybe I should, [ Matt admits with a frown. He's quiet for a long moment after that--long enough for the song to begin winding down, though Matt's not familiar enough with the music of this time ad place to know it. ] I just think everything exists for a reason. Everyone. And I don't want to ... try to pressure anyone to go against their nature. I mean, I don't want to tolerate cruelty or abuse-- [ A quick smile Sebastian's way, faint. It could almost be a challenge, or even a tease. Sorry. ] --but I think everyone deserves to be loved for what they are.

[ Matt sucks in a breath. That was a lot to say while moving so quickly. And though he started answering the question thinking only of Sebastian, he finds himself thinking about other people he's met here. Silco. Amos. Tezcatlipoca. ]

[ To be fair to Matt, Sebastian is a cheater when it comes to any physical activity. Besides things like enhanced strength or endurance, he simply doesn’t need to breathe, so it doesn’t bother him… But at least he’s attentive enough to see that after this song, Matt could use a breather and perhaps a drink. As the strings start to hum down towards their end, Sebastian dances his way towards the edge of the dancefloor to just as elegantly lead them out.

The answer makes sense with what he knows of Matt. It’s part of what intrigued him about the young man. It’s delightfully idealistic, and it’s the sort of thing that Sebastian had once taken a sort of wicked pleasure in questioning. Does everything exist for a reason? It’s a charmingly human way of viewing the world, and Sebastian doesn’t agree with it. But it’s more interesting in this case because it’s not as if Sebastian can puncture the point of view by stating his own existence. Matt already knows and still seems to believe it, so—

It's just as they step off the dance floor that Matt gives the last part of his answer. The faint smile had been met with one that’s a little sly, but it’s truly only for a moment before Sebastian is completely taken aback. The first part may be what he expected, but this extra caveat to it is decidedly not. At the very least, it deftly cuts through that dark attention. ]

…Why loved?

[ That word is the sticking point, naturally. Friendship alone is rare enough that Sebastian had thought he might tease about how Matt had used it earlier, so “love” might as well be a foreign language. Even if it’s a more platonic version of love, it still feels baffling for someone to want to apply to him. ]

Rather— [ He corrects himself as his posture relaxes from their dancing stances, but he continues to hold Matt’s hand if only to lead him towards refreshments, since it seems most of the dancers are a bit tired after the song too. ] Surely not everyone.

[ Matt breathes a sigh of relief as Sebastian leads them to the edge of the dance floor. It's fun, the intense conversation notwithstanding--but it's definitely work. Though at the same time, he feels a slight pang as they pull away from each other, even just by the inches necessary to transition from dancing to walking. Matt's posture relaxes a little as they go, and he makes no move to extricate their hands. ]

Everyone, [ he confirms. He doesn't necessarily sound pleased as he says it, nor amorous in any recognizable way. His emotions are cloudy. There's a hint of sadness, of uncertainty, tendrils of feeling weaving together and then unweaving. At his center, though, there's a quiet that almost feels like peace. ] There are a lot of different kinds of love, of course--eros is the one we think of a lot of the time, but there's also agape. Spiritual love, sacrificial love. And terms like ishq that kind of blend the two.

What I'm thinking of would be ... as close as I can get to the concept of bhakti. Love for all creation.

[ Eros, agape, ishq, these are all terms he’s heard and understood through literature and poetry. Bhakti is a new term to him, but really, they’re all something foreign. Just like Matt isn’t able to see a soul and taste it as Sebastian does, he’s not able to experience any of those feelings. No demon is. It’s probably why they all have a fascination with it, albeit to different degrees. With the connection of the Stargazer between them, that cloudy mix of emotions makes even feel even more foreign. ]

There are plenty who would disagree with the sentiment. Both that all creation should be loved, or what counts as “Creation” at all.

[ The words would also probably sound accusatory from most, but he’s pointing it out matter-of-factly. It’s also an invisible benefit of Sebastian’s time in Kenos rather than the first time they’d met in “Horos”. There, he probably would have veiled the sentiments more sweetly to lead Matt towards a perception that was perhaps warmer, but false. By now, Sebastian is at least more honest to others about his thoughts. ]

…It is not something I understand well, regardless. It is not something my kind feel. [ He cants his head lightly, and pauses, but he decides to add the clarification after all. ] Nor is it something we are given, hence my confusion.

[ Without barely offering them so much as a glance, Sebastian delicately takes a flute of champagne from the servant with a tray that wanders by. Hopefully Matt wasn’t craving water, since this is a party… But Sebastian holds it out for Matt to take. ]

[ Matt accepts the champagne gratefully. This works great for him: He's more cognizant of wanting a break than of being thirsty. He takes a delicate sip as he considers Sebastian's answer. ]

Well ... I don't know how much of a favor it is to offer you something you can't feel, [ he notes wryly. ] Except I guess-- [ And his free hand lifts, fingers sketching a circle in the air to indicate the two of them. ]

But you have it. [ Another sip, as Matt's gaze drops from Sebastian to the bubbles fizzing in the flute. ] I don't really talk about it much, so I'm sure I'm not making a ton of sense. It's not anything I was raised with, like as a religious tradition or anything, it's just ... what feels right to me.

[ He continues to watch Matt as he talks his way through it, and as his gaze drops, Sebastian finally lets go of his hand. It’s not for any particular reason than the touch tilting towards the untoward here in a land of manners, but it happens to come with a little laugh. ]

That is why it is curious to me, perhaps. I have not heard anything like it, or at least nothing that has stood up to scrutiny, as it were. Yet to be stereotypical for but a moment, perhaps that is better, for religious traditions are rather…

[ He doesn’t finish the sentence as he trails off with a knowing smile. It doesn’t really need to be said that a demon wouldn’t have the most positive opinion of religion. But it at least serves well to lighten his mood a bit back to a pleasant, cool neutral. ]

I would still think of it as a favor, though. There are simply things that are not in my nature, but that does not mean I cannot appreciate them. It is just with more… distance, I suppose I would call it.

[ It’s swung back to this after all, so he laughs gently as he gives a little shrug. ]

There have only been two people that ever called me a friend, for example. So, bhakti is a bit more than that, which is why it is a surprise. I do not expect such things, much less when I am known for what I am.

[ And though that sentiment would seem sad from most, there’s not even a trace of that from Sebastian. It’s not something he says with the intent of garnering pity—it’s only explanatory for his surprise. ]

[ Matt nods, emotions lightening for a moment to open curiosity. Appreciating things at a distance sounds like a skill he wishes more humans would learn. But then ... that's mostly so he wouldn't feel so lonely, so vulnerable to judgment when he opens up to the wrong person. Is it selfish of him to want people to be different just for his comfort?

He also can't help but wonder if it's morally defensible to love a creature who eats the souls of children. At the very least, it seems all too easy for that love to go wrong. Which is Matt's fundamental problem, really, but he sees no reason to bother Sebastian with those qualms. They're Matt's to figure out. ]

I don't know how anybody could see what you are and not feel some bhakti, [ he notes, quiet but amused. ] It's, um. Awe-inspiring. Or maybe the inverse of awe.

[ But awe and its inverse, for all practical purposes, strike Matt as the same sensation. The same spiritual free fall, the same smallness in the face of something vast. ]

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nsfw musings

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