[catch-all] my body is a cage;

[dreamflowers]

WHO: Jade and You.
WHAT: Catch-all log for April.
WHEN: Month of April, namely after the Shard-Bearers have awakened in their respective Resting Rooms.
WHERE: Various, but mostly Old Springstar (and Skysong).
WARNINGS: Psychosis due to the Arcane Fever stuff. I'll mark in the subject headers for anything heavy.

Prompts will be added in the comments. If there's anything specific you'd like me to whip up for you, feel free to hit me up in a PM, discord, or plurk (whippoorwill). This will be especially helpful as Jade's Arcane Fever will result in her struggle to discern what's real and what isn't, potentially causing her to hallucinate alternate versions of characters! Fun times.

Comments

[hauntedking]

I can do some hunting for them... and see what I can find. I don't know if we'll be successful, but it's the only thing we can do I suppose. Unless there's another way to handle it? Like discord?

[ He seems genuine about all of that at least. ]

I have to admit I'm not familiar with Ambrosia, unfortunately. It's not something we... had to deal with in my own world, obviously.

[dreamflowers]

Discord sounds like the exact opposite of something that would help me.

[Then, she pauses.] No, wait. I've read a little about that -- well, more like skimmed. How... would that help, exactly...?

[There was only so much she could research during her initial weeks here before they all fell asleep for 114 years, okay.]

But I'm willing to try whatever if Ambrosia's out. I don't expect you'll find many people, if anyone, who'll know how to make the stuff in this damned place.

[hauntedking]

I meant more... would something like the approaches we use to handle discord work on your condition?

[ He shrugs sheepishly. ]

For some reason close contact with others, especially of the opposite faction, helps deal with discord. I don't know if this works quite the same...

[dreamflowers]

Ah, probably not.

[She pauses, thinking about how much she should try to elucidate.]

The Fever is a direct result of my magic. The way it works, it's, er... different from the kinds that I've read about here, to say the least.

[a_noble_flame]

[Oh. No wonder Jade isn't looking directly at anyone. Alice feels her shoulders droop some.]

Like that night in the dorms?

[Or well the equivalent, where the new Shard-Bearers slept and where her Resting Room was now.

Alice doesn't squeeze Jade's hand or anything like that. She probably doesn't need the overstimulation of such a gesture. Instead Alice begins to lead the way, fending off those who might ask anywhere or anyone who looks far too curious.]]

Is this a side effect of sleeping so long?

[hauntedking]

...I can't claim to be an expert. But I'm willing to learn a little, if you think it will help.

[dreamflowers]

[Feeling Alice's hand helps, at least a little. It's warm, real. Grounding. Jade tries to focus on that, on the feeling part rather than what her sight and sound tries to tell her.]

Mm, kinda...

[Jade falls quiet for a moment, before she adds:]

More like a side effect of my magic, and the body and mind not being able to "cope" with all the myriad Eventualities that our magic draws from. It's like... seeing the world and the people in it -- as they were, are, will, and could be.

[Much like the corpse of Alice holding her hand right now. Jade isn't trying to think about it too much. Only the skin, not the blood.]

Not being able to maintain the Fever during our little "nap" probably didn't help, though.

[dreamflowers]

I'm hardly one, myself. But I'll try to put it as simply as possible...

[Even though she's become quite skilled in magic, it's hard to contend with the fact that she's still pretty new to it. It also means that much of her knowledge is quite fresh.

[She tries to think of where to start:]

Did you have one of those weird dreams when we woke up? That feeling like you were yourself, but not?

[hauntedking]

...yes. It was very strange. I thought it was only a dream, although I didn't linger on it too much. Why?

[dreamflowers]

[So it wasn't just her who had a dream of that nature. Jade wasn't entirely sure, but it's as much a comfort as it is disquieting.]

Well, my magic is... like that. The ability to see possibilities and pull from those realities, making them real.

For me, that switch is always on -- and the Fever is a result of the body and mind not being able to "cope" with it. If I'm not careful, it can kill me, or worse.

[The way she talks about it is matter-of-fact, like she's simply describing allergies and not a life-threatening condition.]

[hauntedking]

I see.

[ He responds in a low voice, looking a touch lost in thought. ]

That sounds... overwhelming to put it mildly. And this ambrosia is the only way to contain it? There's no other way to help you?

[ He looks very serious. ]

Perhaps we can ask the healers here if they've heard of anything...

[dreamflowers]

Well, there's Peaceweed... or similar drogae I've been able to find here.

[Drugs. She basically means drugs.]

It's only been good for maintaining the Fever at lower levels, though. I think the symptoms have gotten far too "advanced" for them to be much use, so Ambrosia's gonna be the next best thing.

[She sighs, leaning back in her seat.]

I can write down the ingredients, and you can keep an eye out for them.

[a_noble_flame]

[Oof. Alice tries to wrap her head around the idea of seeing so many things. She'd seen enough through that dream of hers after all.

She pauses a moment before she dips into talking of said dream.]

During the time I was asleep I had a dream of the past ... or I think of a different version of myself. Zenith, part of Yima's Honor Guard in fact. I was the last one standing between her inner sanctum and those rushing it. I even recognized the one who killed me in the end -- or killed the other me I should say.

[...]

It's ... hard to differentiate. I know this other self was a Zenite but ... she believed what I believe. Wholeheartedly in fact. That with Zenith she could save many lives, give many people the chance to live as well.

[And Alice is beginning to wonder if that other self of hers was wrong in her decision. With Skysong now and Aetos ... she wavers some.]

[hauntedking]

...yes. I can't say I'm an apothecary or anything of the sort, but I do grow some things in the garden. If anything I can find can help, I'll let you know as soon as I can.

[ He nods. ]

Until then... is there anything else that can be done? Anything that might at least treat the symptoms a little?

[dreamflowers]

[Even before her conversation with Dimitri, Jade had her suspicions that she likely wasn't the only one plagued by a dream like that. And she had experienced enough to know not to write that off as a mere "dream" -- especially after everything they had gone through during their long sleep.

[Nodding as she listens, Jade glances over to Alice again. It's hard to tell whether the flickers she sees from time to time are the Alice she knows, or the version of her from this other possibility. So long as she grounds herself to the warmth of that hand, it doesn't matter.]

I saw something similar -- a version of myself that would ally with Zenith. [She flinches at the memory.] It... didn't end well.

[The masked face, the voices, the pain of having her body ripped apart and changed into something else. It's still fresh in her mind, even now.]

Dunno about this one, but in my world, it's common knowledge that there are near-infinite realities, in which different choices branch to different outcomes. A world existing in which we both make the same choices as our other selves is not unheard of. Anytime someone thinks "I would never do something like that!" there likely exists an Eventuality in which they do.

[dreamflowers]

Right. You got anything to write with? I can jot down a list. Unless you've got a good memory.

[Literacy wasn't afforded to everyone on Vyn, but Jade was lucky enoguh to have once had companions who taught her how to read and write.]

As for treating the symptoms... I dunno. If you can find anything akin to Peaceweed, I guess? I found some places down in Kowloon that were similar. Like I said, they probably won't be as effective at the advanced stages I'm in, but it does help to ease the pain a bit.

[hauntedking]

Yes, I should have some paper and a pencil... somewhere.

[ He rises to go rummage through a drawer. ]

I'm not familiar with Peaceweed, but I can certainly ask. Someone around here might know of something similar.

[dreamflowers]

Mm.

[As Dimitri gets up to retrieve writing utensils, Jade nods, before finishing her glass or water to sate that dry itching in her throat.]

Shouldn't matter whether you're familiar. Some local drogae seem to work just as well as substitutes, but I haven't explored too much. I try to avoid the heavy hitters. [For very good reasons.]

[hauntedking]

I can imagine. Drugs are... troublesome.

[ He returns with his scratch paper and pencil. ]

I'll ask around, regardless. If I can help, I will. I... know how it feels to doubt reality, even if the cause of my own troubles isn't quite the same.

[dreamflowers]

Yeah... They are.

[It was agony trying to cut herself off the way she did, but that's a whole other can of worms.

[She sighs, setting down the now empty glass.]

I'm not sure if it helps that I'd already been predisposed to this shit even before I got my magic. But I know how it is when it's all just... your head.

So... yeah. I appreciate it.

[a_noble_flame]

... I see. I will admit I did consider Zenith in the beginning so it's not so far off in the end that it might have happened.

[Thankfully they're now outside this alchemist shop. Alice has never been inside of one and entering it it does have a certain feel to it, doesn't it. Maybe it's the scent of different herbs and the like in the air that does it?]

[hauntedking]

Of course.

[ He takes a breath. ]

If you need more water, please let me know. But... for now let's see what we can sort out. I'll write it all down and we can go from there.

[dreamflowers]

[Being as far into her Fever as she is, Jade's more sensitive to her environment than usual. The smells and vibrations in the air is noticeable, but she pushes down the ever-present unease for now as she searches for some semblance of familiarity here.]

Can't blame you. If it were myself from a few moons prior, I probably would've been on that same track as well. Heck, sometimes I still wonder if there's anything in my world worth saving.

[Judging from her tone, however, the answer is obvious -- much as she wanted to give up, she can't.]

[dreamflowers]

[Cradling her head in her hands, Jade nods absentmindedly.]

Yeah... One step at a time.

[Once she's given the chance to write down a list, only two of the ingredients seem like viable options -- thistle and nightshade. Anything else, she can probably improvise for the necessary potion.]

Dunno if these things'll have the same alchemical properties to make Ambrosia, but, eh... [She shrugs.] We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

[hauntedking]

We certainly will. And... in the meantime, please. Feel free to use my house to get some rest. To find some respite, however temporary. If you ever need anything, my door is open to you.

[ And he means every word of it. ]