kenoslogs | [ota] maybe we'll find better days

Ah, well, I believe most people forgot who I was over time.

[That doesn't seem to bother her apparently. She plugs right along with talking.]

I think whatever we can do for the whole of Old Springstar will be for the best. Even with Kowloon influencing them we can do a great deal of good for the people we help. Change is a slow process after all.

[She seems so sure of that. And so future-thinking for a Meridian who is supposedly chasing their own world's revival. Her tone turns a touch harsher as she adds:]

I won't even go into the actions of the military in Skysong though.

[Alright maybe her blood can run a little hot over it after all.]

It is a slow process. Some people would prefer it be much faster... but I don't know if you can make change safely all that quickly.

[ He, too, cares about the future, even if he wants his world and all on it returned. Like her, his expression darkens. ]

...yes. It seems rather than protect people they would prefer to force them into exile. Or worse from what I've been hearing. I want to know when they decided to agree to such a thing.

I wish I could say it's unusual but I'm not so surprised they went such a direction. In my world District Zero became a dumping ground for all those problems the military wished to ignore. In many ways they strived to protect an image versus anything else.

[She lets go of a sigh. This is something she's been mulling over much of the time since she woke up and found the world so eerily like her own ... or with the same undercurrents.]

I can imagine after the messy fight that killed Cyrus and saw civilians looking at the army with distrust? They likely scrambled to protect their image. The average citizen in Skysong cares more about their own safety and the peace of their neighborhoods more than who is and isn't being outcast. There is certainly fear there at the idea of possibly being outcast themselves but they also likely convince themselves that they wouldn't be for one reason or another.

[Alice adjusts the bag on her back again, gaze distant and expression all grim soldier once again.]

That was the one thing that disappointed me most about the military -- the reliance on image. I do understand such things are important in all walks of life even down to fighting itself but for many it is used as much as a shield as it is a necessity.

[And Alice here in her simple clothes and hacked off hair isn't one to flirt with building up an image for her own sake.]

Edited (I just hate using the same word too much and yet I do it anyhow, wtf.) 2024-04-04 16:50 (UTC)

How unfortunately typical...

[ Dimitri murmurs. He doesn't disagree with her assessment, he just finds it tiresome and despairing. There's so much that could be done - that might still be done - to build better lives for people. And yet so many seemed to want to turn inward rather than help in any meaningful way. His gaze is downcast and expression thoughtful as he tries to think of something to say to that. ]

Image is important in many things, but... thinking of only the image, thinking it's the only thing that matters... it's a mistake. And more than that, forsaking others for the sake of that image is even worse. Peace and security are things people deserve of course, but... to simply cut off so many people.

[ He shakes his head. ]

It doesn't sit right with me.

[Alice turns a sympathetically soft smile towards Dimitri.]

It doesn't sit right with me either.

[She gives him a pat on the arm much as one would do a comrade. She's much freer with her touching nowadays, less tied to a strict need to be noble 24/7.]

I would like to change that about Skysong but at present there are also people here in Old Springstar who need help. I'm choosing for now to focus my attention where it is most needed. Those who can do for those who cannot, yes?

[She thought that back in Alenroux and she still thinks so now. That's simply the core of who Alice is though.]

I believe once I am capable of it that I'll move down here to Old Springstar. I don't want to stay in my Resting Room anyhow; it feels like less of a room and more a shrine now.

[Albeit a very untended to shrine but a shrine no less.]

I agree with all of that. I used to help out in my neighborhood in Springstar... and I want to continue to do that even here. People somewhat remember me. That's... all I can ask for I suppose. But if I can start to help improve their lives somehow, I want to do it.

[ He gives her a little nod. ]

As it turns out my house remained down here... so I needn't move anywhere.

Oh! Well that was lucky then! I hadn't had a chance to find anything before the Oracle happened.

[She laughs gently.]

I suppose that was for the best though. Who knows when anyone would have found me otherwise!

[They're coming up near the area of the orphanage now and Alice notes:]

I believe Jade was in one of the lower rooms of the orphanage itself.

Was she? I haven't been tracking where everyone's been staying. Maybe I should be looking into that... just to make sure I can follow up on people.

[ He shifts the bag to his other arm. ]

...it does feel strange to be... what? Revered? Are we truly that special? Even as a king I didn't feel like I necessarily deserved the adoration I received.

I haven't either but I happened to hear about it from some of the children.

[Obviously none of the ones she spoke to mentioned the state Jade was in but details. For now she perks her brows at his questions.]

Well you can only imagine how we must have looked, yes? Undecaying for a hundred plus years, living but not? I have seen people revered for far less.

[That said she tilts her head a little.]

If you were revered I doubt it was undeserved. For people to remember you after a hundred years you must have touched someone's lives very significantly before the Repose. Is it not a sign of their gratefulness to some degree? Even if it gets lost in layers of time and becomes more tradition than anything ... it started somewhere, that adoration, and for some reason as well.

...I suppose so. We must have seemed like saints or some sort of immortals.

[ He sighs. Still, it's not something he's totally comfortable with. ]

And... yes. There's that. I suppose I would rather be remembered for that sort of thing than not. Although typically one isn't around to hear about it a few generations down the line. But... yes. It could be much worse, certainly.

[She studies Dimitri a moment as they walk.]

Is it just the attention that bothers you then?

[Not that she knows him intimately well of course but he strikes her as the sort of man even before this talk that prefers not to draw attention to himself. Or perhaps be looked up to? Maybe both?]

Edited 2024-04-05 22:26 (UTC)

...I'm not sure it's the attention so much as the praise for things I'm not ultimately responsible for.

[ It's a self-esteem thing, of course. ]

[Oh. Well. Alice rolls that around in her head.]

Such as what? Did those who took care of you attribute their good fortune to you or things like that?

[That's what some people did religiously anyhow.]

...something like that I suppose. It's more that - I'm just a man at the end of the day. King or not. And I would prefer to help people with my own hands. I accept thanks for it, but to held up and... turned into a symbol... well. Maybe that's necessary when I'm a king. But it doesn't always feel right.

[ He's trying to explain, albeit a bit awkwardly. ]

[It takes a moment of Alice watching him as he explains himself before it seems to click. Then she goes "ah" literally out loud, nodding her head.]

I understand. There were those at home who wished to see me as a defender of justice -- or even a hero. To be a symbol though is to not be strictly be just a person anymore.

[Which Alice, well ... she has some issues with seeing herself as anything but a tool and a receptacle.]

But ... in the service of justice and as a tool for the people ... you must be willing to give that up.

[Yes? No?]

Edited 2024-04-05 23:59 (UTC)

...that is true. I just... I shouldn't need any of that. I don't want it. I just want to be able to help people without it becoming something larger.

[ That may be a fool's hope of course, but he still thinks it. ]

But if it helps people in the end... I suppose I end up not having a choice.

... I suppose that's what my sister must mean when she lectures me about enjoying my life as a woman.

[Well not exactly but somewhere in space and time Elise must be crying over Alice finally getting even a portion of her words.]

You cannot control how others view you but you can control how you view yourself. As a child I wished to be a hero, a defender of justice. In time my views on what did or did not make a hero changed and yet I still wished to serve the people as I could. I have often viewed myself as a tool for the people -- some might think me larger but in my own eyes I am only there to be of service to them.

[She gestures a little, her expression thoughtful. The orphanage is thankfully in sight now and she shifts the pack on her back a bit.]

I have rarely thought of myself as a person. To not be a noble, heir to the Malvin family, Second Lieutenant or a sister but just myself? It wasn't something I could examine at home, not really.

[There's some regret in her tone at that. Who knew finding herself meant leaving her home entirely?]

You might be revered in some ways by the people here but doesn't it also follow that you can define who you are here? You are not a king here and you are not people's worshipped idol either. You can be Dimitri if you choose to be no matter how others see you.

[ Dimitri listens to all this in silence. It means a great deal to him, honestly. And while some of it he already understands intellectually it's still... reassuring to hear the thoughts and words come from someone else. ]

That's true. Although at times I feel like I cannot put the load down... and on the other hand if I do not wish to put the load down is that really so bad?

[ That's more of a rhetorical question. ]

But... finding one's self, however you can... I think that's important. And while I don't know your particular circumstances as well as I might, I would say you ought to allow yourself to be... whoever it is you wish to be. Just Alice, perhaps.

Perhaps it's better to think of it as putting the load down for a little while? Not forever but ... with friends and those close to you it's possible.

[Rhetorical question it might be but Alice does really enjoy yammering over philosophy and ideals and the like. She's keen to discuss things that seem like distant concepts.

Allowing oneself to be what they wish to be ... she hums a little as they begin to make their way up the stairs of the orphanage.]

I suppose the question then is who do I wish to be, yes?

Yes. I have learned to try and do that with people close to me.

[ He smiles, looking a bit distant. ]

And... yes, that's something to consider. Who do you want to be? Where do you wish to go? What is it you want?

[Alice is quiet a moment as she rolls the questions around in her mind. She makes her way into the kitchen of the orphanage as she does, pausing a moment to greet any of the workers there and then further into the pantry.

She pulls the pack off of her back and settles on her knees to begin unloading it as she talks.]

It might sound ... non-Meridian perhaps but I do wish to see this world toward a better future. No one should be denied a future, particularly not the people here who have nothing to do with the Shard-Bearer's fights.

[Her pack is full of mostly preserved goods and the like. She studies one of the jars she holds a moment, not really looking it so much as having somewhere to direct her eyes.]

I realized during our walks through other's worlds that while I am thankful for what my noble status has given me and allowed me to do it has likewise hampered me a great deal. So has my military status.

[Not that she wants to give up her noblesse oblige or any such. She huffs a gentle breath then.]

I suppose you and I have a similar issue in that regard.

I don't particularly considering it non-Meridian. Having empathy for all peoples is worthwhile. Even those who are not from our worlds - if I didn't have that I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be thinking of ways to avoid additional violence.

[ He sighs again, soft and low, as he sets his bag down on a nearby table. ]

I can't say I've felt hampered by my status, but I have felt as if... I wish I could make a difference in another way, I suppose. I suppose I shouldn't. Many people would like to be a king or to be nobility and yet...

With all due respect many who would like to be shouldn't be. Many would do good with it I'm sure.

[That's all she says on that idea though. She likes to believe in her fellow nobles and will stand before them to protect them from commoners as she will protecting the commoners from them. Yet she well understands the walls of corruption within their class and within the military itself.

She plucks jars out, arranging them as neatly as she can. This ... isn't something she's used to doing really. It's not exactly keeping a household but it's damn near close enough. She's sure there's a process to this just like there is a process to learning to ride or fight. The people working here have taught her a great deal so far at least.]

What way would you like to make a difference in then? Something more hands on?

[ Dimitri starts unpacking his bag as well, sorting foodstuffs into place. As always his touch is oddly gentle, like he's going to break something. But that's one of his own idiosyncrasies, isn't it? ]

Something like that, yes. I realize that there's a great deal I can do with my political power, but... it's limited by what some people think is too fast or too much. There are nobles who think any attempts at reform ought to be opposed. There are some who think I don't have the right or simply shouldn't and are prepared to oppose me - and tradition and law may side with them. So at times I feel as if I just went out and built something - homes, a school, plowed a field - that I might actually manage to have achieved something concrete that would improve someone's life.

[Alice pauses her own work as Dimitri talks, settling back on her heels as she takes it in and watches the gentle way he puts things up. She's at least an attentive listener if at times she misses points.

The urge to do something concrete, something with one's own hands without the red tape of everything else, really does ring through her. She glances back to the jars she's put up so far, rolling those words around in her head a moment.

Then she looks back up at him.]

Well. Would you like to do any of that here then?

[ota] maybe we'll find better days

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