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Entry tags:
- arcane: vander,
- arknights: gavial,
- bastard!!: dark schneider,
- expanse (the): amos burton,
- fire emblem: dimitri a. blaiddyd,
- genshin impact: kaeya alberich,
- genshin impact: zhongli,
- granblue fantasy: eustace,
- legend of zelda (the): link,
- oc: liem talbott,
- orv: dokja kim,
- practical guide to evil: akua sahelian,
- snotgirl: lottie person,
- star wars: cassian andor,
- star wars: jyn erso,
- trigun maximum: vash the stampede
april event, phase one: seeds of unrest đ±
THE BEGINNING
Summertime in Springstar has been on its way out, heralding the arrival of fall; winter has likewise given way to spring in Highstorm - at least, according to the calendar. Yet there is an unseasonable bite on the breeze - one growing as frigid as the mood among Meris and Zenites in their cities. Between Alenrouxâs occupation and talk of âthe Blight,â worries have been on the lips of the citizens with increasing frequency - and with good reason. The reports of plant life dying, of objects crumbling, of people whose bodies are deteriorating are dominating the rumor mills and local papers.
Everything comes to a head early in the second half of Pelu.
After an unusual pocket of commotion in the Seat of the Tribune and the courtyard of Yimaâs manor, an urgent announcement is made on behalf of both cities: both Great Trees have been quarantined, and no one is permitted in either location without clearance. New rumors spread of an âincidentâ that saw those in the immediate vicinity of the Trees rapidly demonstrating symptoms of an illness that was becoming all too easy to identify. It had stricken with frightening speed; not long afterwardâŠ
The unrest had spread into the streets, and it wasnât just about the Blight anymore.
Cetina and Kathova wasted no time in reaching out to the Bearers via Communion to offer them guidance from their leaders and incite them to action.
Everything comes to a head early in the second half of Pelu.
After an unusual pocket of commotion in the Seat of the Tribune and the courtyard of Yimaâs manor, an urgent announcement is made on behalf of both cities: both Great Trees have been quarantined, and no one is permitted in either location without clearance. New rumors spread of an âincidentâ that saw those in the immediate vicinity of the Trees rapidly demonstrating symptoms of an illness that was becoming all too easy to identify. It had stricken with frightening speed; not long afterwardâŠ
The unrest had spread into the streets, and it wasnât just about the Blight anymore.
Cetina and Kathova wasted no time in reaching out to the Bearers via Communion to offer them guidance from their leaders and incite them to action.
SPRINGSTAR: THE ROOT OF THE ISSUE
Day by day, changes unfold that render the city increasingly dangerous...
ROOTS:
Vine-like roots have begun to thread the streets, creeping upon and over buildings, spreading outward from the Tree in Heliopolis. Over the next two weeks, they will continue to grow in size and become more troublesome, slowly blooming ice-like leaves that radiate a sickly glow.- GROWTH: Contrary to the Blightâs normal behaviors, some people and things around clusters of vines or leaves can experience a burst of vitality, growth, and splendor as if transforming to beyond peak condition. In a normal citizen, this may result in an almost manic level of energy, reckless behaviors, and aggression. In objects, they become more durable and efficient, but dangerously so - for example, a stovetop cooks faster but burns uncontrollably hot. In plant life, this results in overgrowth that can overwhelm and choke nearby flora, objects, or even people. Then, they burn out an hour after exposure and immediately succumb to a dire state of Blighted.
- CHILL: The temperatures will continue to drop throughout the next two weeks. It will be coldest where vines have clustered and outright dangerously so near where flowers have budded or bloomed in great numbers. This will force some people from their homes.
TIME POCKETS:
In seemingly random parts of the city, areas referred to as âtime pocketsâ have populated. There is no way to identify a time pocket but to stumble into one.- REGRESSION: NPCâs in these areas will appear to freeze in time once a Bearer has breached the pocketâs radius but appear normal from the outside. Time within has halted at the point the pocket manifested ( typically covering an area like a city street or inside a single large building that sees regular use ). Objects can be freely manipulated but will not fall if thrown, etc.
- The pocket cannot be left until the Bearer has achieved their objective. Attempting to exit the way they entered, theyâll run into an unseen barrier that is painful to the touch, a sensation of frigidity that travels to their Shard.
- Their goal will be to locate a past version of themselves hidden from immediate view. This past version of themselves can be from any point in their lives but must be from a moment when they felt extremely vulnerable, isolated, wounded, or fearful.
- Once finding this past version, they will feel the compulsion to either find a way to reassure their past selves somehow or kill them. Whether it is the Bearer themselves who performs these acts or another Bearer in their company does it for them, as long as their past selves are pacified enough ( to player satisfaction ) or dead, they will gain immunity to the pocket and may leave. The immediate area will remain frozen, however, and the past version will be revealed to be made of roots that will shrivel and die.
- Note: Bearers will be able to see other Bearerâs past selves, even after they have been freed. Whether the past reflections are capable of speech while functional is up to player discretion.
HIGHSTORM: THE ROOTS OF CHANGE
The snows continue to fall over the city, feeling brittle against your skin...
ROOTS:
Vine-like roots have begun to thread the streets, creeping upon and over buildings, spreading outward from the Great Tree in Yimaâs manor. Over the next two weeks, they will continue to grow in size and become more troublesome, slowly blooming ice-like leaves that radiate a sickly glow.- SACRIFICIAL: [ CW: self-harm ] Where the roots snake and gather throughout the city, NPCâs in several locations are falling victim to the quiet, slow pulse of the flowers and their buds. They will sit and stare at the flowers for hours, unblinkingly, as their body begins to succumb to the Blight. If they are disturbed in any way - a loud noise, an attempt to move their person, etc - they will calmly look up from their worship and crack off a piece of their brittle body before returning to their reverie.
- In order to save them, a pair (or more) of Bearers must sneak up on the NPC - one using a pacifying spell given by one of the faction leaders while the other crushes the flower. If the NPC is not pacified before the flower is crushed, they will become hysterical and the Blight will rapidly consume them, causing them to perish. If they are pacified and the flower is not crushed, the spell will wear off within ten seconds with the same result.
- CHILL: The temperatures will continue to drop throughout the next two weeks. It will be coldest where vines have clustered and outright dangerously so near where flowers have budded or bloomed in great numbers. This will force some people from their homes.
TIME POCKETS:
In seemingly random parts of the city, areas referred to as âtime pocketsâ have populated. There is no way to identify a time pocket but to stumble into one.- REFLECTIONS: NPCâs in these pockets are moving in surreal blurs, pieces of them moving forward as others move backward, some changing as if time were rapidly passing as others remain frozen still. The Bearersâ surroundings are distorted as if reflecting multiple realities simultaneously.
- Their goal will be to locate a tall standing mirror situated alone in the center of the time pocketâs radius. The Bearer who first touches their reflection ( henceforth called âmirror-Bearerâ ) will cause the world inside the pocket to suddenly stop, reflecting a comforting environment they have fond or pleasant associations with. The mirror will be gone.
- Something or someone the mirror-Bearer highly values, deeply misses, or sees as imperative to their character, goals, or desires will be present. If they make contact with this object or person, the Time Pocket loops and sends them back to searching for the mirror - but they will have no memory of this occurring. Their partner, however, will recall everything.
- Both Bearers will be released if five loops occur without the mirror-Bearer being stopped from causing the loop or if the mirror-Bearer is stopped from reaching their goal for five minutes ( willingly or otherwise ). The longer they refuse to make contact with this object or person, the more tempting and dire the need becomes inside of them.
- Once the Bearers are released, the Time Pocket disappears. If they manage to avoid contact with the temptation inside the Pocket, the roots and flowers in this area will be withered and dying, buying the NPCâs and buildings in this location some time. Otherwise, they will be thriving and dangerously blooming.
- Note: the mirror will not respond to the non-mirror-Bearer once it has been touched the first time.
ENTREE-TING HELP
The Tree of Life is in danger, and you know it. Both Yima and Cyrus have directed all Bearers who might listen to increase visitation to the Tree and monitor it for signs of the Blight - of its leaves changing color, of any frostbitten bark, of its roots withering.
And then, during a moment in which you find your mind at ease, at rest... you dream, even if dreaming is unnatural for you. You dream of yourself sitting beneath the massive bows of the Tree's breadth, at peace. The perpetual dawn's glow warms your skin in a way that seeps into your bones, leaving you certain you are safe from harm. The Tree reaches out, and though it cannot speak to you in words, you feel it is trying to convey a message: one of urgency. One of plea.
But you cannot understand...
Soon, the branches of the Tree are reaching out to others. You cannot see them, but you know they're there; a spiritual tether connects your Shards together, bringing you all into a place of wordless unity. And once your fellows have been summoned, you know what you are here for.
You feel it rather than see it: some meager, barely-there brush of something cold in the warmth of the island's comfort. The Tree is already infected, and the clock is running down for all of you.
When you wake to yourself, a feeling of dread not entirely your own will chase you, and you will find a single violet leaf in your hand.
And then, during a moment in which you find your mind at ease, at rest... you dream, even if dreaming is unnatural for you. You dream of yourself sitting beneath the massive bows of the Tree's breadth, at peace. The perpetual dawn's glow warms your skin in a way that seeps into your bones, leaving you certain you are safe from harm. The Tree reaches out, and though it cannot speak to you in words, you feel it is trying to convey a message: one of urgency. One of plea.
But you cannot understand...
Soon, the branches of the Tree are reaching out to others. You cannot see them, but you know they're there; a spiritual tether connects your Shards together, bringing you all into a place of wordless unity. And once your fellows have been summoned, you know what you are here for.
You feel it rather than see it: some meager, barely-there brush of something cold in the warmth of the island's comfort. The Tree is already infected, and the clock is running down for all of you.
When you wake to yourself, a feeling of dread not entirely your own will chase you, and you will find a single violet leaf in your hand.
MISC NOTES
- Bearers start with immunity to the Blight. They will not succumb to the effects of the Blight even if they handle the vines and flowers directly without precautions or care.
- The above effects will occur in small clusters and are not yet spread city-wide during phase one. The escalation of frequency characters will come across problematic clusters or Time Pockets will be slow building.
- For context, it takes about a month from infection to death or dissolution for the average person or object to succumb to the Blight. By the 21st, it will be three days to a week.
- Bearers will be directed by Cetina or Kathova to make efforts to protect the civilians and investigate the manifesting changes around both cities. Both factions are working on their own methods to attempt to counteract the Blight, but neither has produced a failsafe solution.
- The roots will remain mostly outdoors, for the most part, these first two weeks.
- Tensions will slowly ramp up in Alenroux, and there are checkpoints for any non-PC visitors to screen for signs of infection.
- Player characters who die inside the Time Pockets are dead and need their Shards brought to the Tree of Life for revival.
- HAVE FUN!! â„
no subject
That mirror?
[ less than a meter off from them is the same mirror cassian and amos had been examining before. it doesn't look any different than it had before, or even like it ever vanished. ]
I don't remember anything about touching any mirrors. This is the first time I've seen it.
no subject
You don't?
[ Amos is still staring up at it, his back to Cassian. He catches the look of wonder on his face in his reflection, and the temptation to shatter it is still there.
But nothing bad had actually happened when Cassian touched it. Just something... different. ]
You did. We were looking at it, I thought maybe we should break it, you reached out to touch your reflection and then the world changed. We were in a jungle. The mirror was gone. There was a little girl who kinda looked like you...
[ He really doesn't know what that part was about.
Amos hesitates before turning back to Cassian, a cant of his head indicating the mirror. ]
Touch it again. Maybe it was a fluke or some shit. You'll remember when it happens again.
[ He says it with a full confidence, that this is the way they'll get out of this, because how could it not be. Right? ]
1/2
no, he doesn't remember anything like that. and the story amos tells doesn't ring any bells, either. but it does...seem to strike at something inside him, just the same. a jungle. a little girl who looks like him. these are deeply buried memories, but cassian is too analytical not to consider just what it might be that amos saw. that he saw, apparently, that he doesn't remember.
his jaw clenches, and his eyes harden.
it'd be a bad joke. it'd be horrible thing to pull out of him. but he's never breathed a word of anything connected to kenari here on kenos. longer. jyn knows nothing. and even before that...
he looks from amos to the mirror, critical. assessing his options. but how many options are there? he's seen these pockets in springstar, enough to know that there's no leaving until they're dealt with. and how else to deal with them but to engage with the mirror? ]
no subject
and once again, the mirror vanishes. once again, the world blooms a bright, vibrant green, lush with growth. this time, cassian is ready; his reaction is more subtle, less instantaneous. amos had warned him about this, and so when he looks around it's to understand what he's seeing, not just lapse into shock. it's a jungle, as amos had said. it's a perfect match for his memories, and that's â troubling. or maybe it isn't. more likely that some magic could pull this image out of his head, than that it could reach across time and space to manifest kenari. kenari as it was, anyway.
once again, there's a voice.
and no matter how much cassian had braced himself for this possibility, when he turns to look at her â there's no bracing himself for the sight of her. every detail is achingly familiar, etched into his mind as if with dark ink. all of the blood has drained from cassian's face, as he looks at her. his eyes are wide. he's trembling, though the worst of the shaking is at his hands, reflexively curled into fists to hide it.
he tries to find his voice, fails. he swallows, then manages, ]
This was the girl we saw?
[ to amos, though he doesn't look to the other man. he can't take his eyes from her. ]
no subject
He does shift slightly to give Cassian more room as he reaches out to touch the mirror again, watches as it simply disappears. In its place is the jungle coming to life again, and for as awed as Amos remains by it, he's got more presence of mind to keep an eye on Cassian this time instead. His muted reaction â at least until the little girl comes back, and he sees her.
Amos' heart instantly clenches. He assumes daughter, but the specificities of the relationship matter less than what it's drawn out of Cassian. He's someone who cares about her, deeply, so on top of freeing themselves from the time pocket, they've gotta figure out how to take the kid with them, too.
Which isn't going to be easy. And potentially impossible. ]
Yeah. That's her. [ Amos' voice is soft, because shit, he's hardwired to try to find a happy ending here. He wants to reach out to Cassian, put a reassuring hand on his shoulder or something; thinks better about it. Unsolicited physical contact might not be the way to go right now, especially when he isn't looking at him. Amos doesn't blame him. ] What's she saying?
no subject
amos is right in the instinct to not touch cassian; he would hate it, and there's a strong possibility he'd startle badly in a way neither of them need right now. he holds himself very, very still, very carefully. ]
This isn't possible.
[ is a murmur more than anything else, but audible. enraptured as he is at the sight of her, the analytical part of his mind whirring just as quickly â more quickly for his emotional response. some things become hard-wired after all, and his eschewal of emotions, vulnerability, for his own survival runs deep. he has to force himself to acknowledge that even if kerri were here, somehow, she'd be older. she wouldn't be the little girl he failed. they'd only been a few years apart in age; unfathomably younger to a nine year old, but not much now. she'd be an adult, like he is.
(did she outlive him? he hopes she did. he hopes that so badly. he hopes scarif meant something, and that she lives in a galaxy that has more of a chance than the one he last saw.)
what's she saying? he can't even bring himself to start considering how he'd answer that. having to acknowledge the truth out loud feels like it'd break him irreparably, and he can't do that. he can't do that in front of someone he barely knows, if he could at all. he takes one step closer to her, slow, then two, then three. then kneels, so he's closer to eye level. so he's less in danger of his knees giving out from the cavernous loss shuddering inside his ribs.
aloud, he clarifies instead, ]
My sister, [ and he should've lied, would've lied, but it's impossible to deny her while she's looking him in the eye, while she's approaching him, ] looked like this a long time ago. [ he has to clarify, he reminds himself ruthlessly, because they both need to understand the situation they're in. amos all the more, for not having an emotional connection to whatever is happening. ] When we were both young.
no subject
Sister. Okay. Then either there was a massive gap between when their parents had the both of them, or there's some time bullshit at play here â and isn't it weird that the latter is more likely in a world like this.
He doesn't pay much thought to how his question doesn't even get an answer, chalking it up to Cassian being in shock. Because the man is in shock, as though he never expected anything like this, and... yeah. Who would?
Amos hangs back, because it's his place. Gives a cursory look at their surroundings, because Cassian is the one who should take point on his sister, and that leaves Amos to take point on finding a way out of here. ]
Okay. [ There's an emotional quality to his voice, unfounded considering he's the third wheel here â but sometimes there are certain things that just get to you, and this is one of them. He clears his throat. ] We'll take her with us, find a way out of here with her. I don't know what's going on, but Yima might. She'll help her.
[ There aren't any immediate answers for an exit, so looks like the three of them might be poking around for a little while. He looks back to Cassian, to his sister. ]
We're not leaving her behind. I promise.
1/2
seeing her again, seeing her here like this. feeling, no matter how irrational a part of him knows it is, like he can save her this time. the sympathy in amos's voice. we're not leaving her behind, i promise. how many years has he wished to hear that? how many years has he wished that maarva or clem had, somehow, known about kerri and promised him this before taking him offworld? how much better is it to be promised they won't abandon her, than to be told there were no survivors on kenari?
he trusts the raw emotion in amos's voice more than he trusts the idea of yima. he trusts the promise more than he should. for no better reason, he knows, than it's what he wants. he's manipulated people in this way more times than he can count. he should know better. he does know better. he watches kerri draw near, and he closes his eyes, and he nods in response to amos's promises. softly, ]
She'll come with me.
[ his voice is not gentle, because he's long since cut everything gentle out of himself. but it is fragile in a way he rarely is. rarely allows himself to be. his eyes are still closed when she's near enough to raise a hand to his cheek. when she touches his face, he exhales a long breath, shivering. ]
no subject
Do you know what's going on here?
no subject
The world reverts again when Cassian reaches his sister, and Amos' heart sinks.
That's two data points, both identical. Cassian reaches his sister. The world goes back to what it was. Cassian asks him if he knows what's going on here. It's time to break the pattern, and no matter how he slices it, Amos is pretty sure they're going to have to leave Cassian's sister behind.
At least he won't remember that Amos had promised him. Amos will, though.
He swallows. Looks around them, looks for any way they can just exit whatever space this is they've found themselves in, so Cassian doesn't have to be subjected to that again. ]
Think we stumbled into some fucked up time bubble. I don't know how we get out. Or... what happens to the people stuck in here when we do.
[ Shit. Shit shit shit. Because as far as he knows, the people here are actually alive, and Cassian's sister... probably isn't. Which makes her not the priority, and this is completely uncharted territory for him.
He hates it.
Amos closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Steeling himself, because everything goes different when Cassian touches the mirror. That has to be their way out; there's just one data point he can think of left that has to change.
He exhales. Cants his head towards the mirror he saw in his cursory look around. ]
You've touched that thing twice now. Each time you do, the whole place turns into a jungle. And your sister's there. I know you have one because you told me, even if you don't remember what's going on after. So I think you need to touch it again to get us out of here.
[ And he'll do what he has to do once she appears.
Fuck. ]
no subject
his eyes widen, briefly, before narrowing. his mouth pulls into a frown. he goes from humoring amos, to something more serious and more angry. his expression becomes the spy's mask: inscrutable, calculating, dangerous like a knife in the dark. suspicious as only a man who assesses other peoples' weaknesses, what threat other people may pose to him, for a living can. i know you have one because you told me. he doesn't remember that. think we stumbled into some fucked up time bubble. he's seen the ones in springstar, met the younger version of jyn and others, but that's not the same thing. could be a different phenomenon. could still be the blight.
could it be a lucky guess? is there any possible way for amos to know he has a sister? not even jyn knows. no one at the rebellion knew. how could they? and they weren't a universe apart from what happened at kenari. could yima, who brought their shards here, know? could she have told amos? would amos lie to him about it? occam's razor: the only way amos could know about his sister is if cassian told him. if cassian told him, then amos is telling the truth. as far as he's aware, amos has never deliberately lied to him.
the look he slants amos's way is hard, the expression on his face harder. there is no trace, in this moment, of the friendly man he's spent more than half of pelu pretending to be. he does not say, if you're lying about my sister, i will kill you. he doesn't have to.
slowly, without taking his eyes off amos, he extends a hand to the mirror. slowly, his palm touches the cool glass. immediately, the mirror vanishes and a green jungle blooms around them. immediately, the image of a little girl starts to materialize. ]
no subject
And if he hates Amos for what he has to do next then he wouldn't blame him, either.
Amos' expression doesn't change. He remains frustrated but otherwise open, unbothered by the venom being shot his way now. Because he gets it â he'd kill anyone lying to him about this sort of shit, too. Probably would shoot them that exact same expression, so at least they understand each other perfectly.
He keeps himself close to the mirror. Close to Cassian, when he touches it. When the world blooms around them again, when the girl appears again.
And turning from the girl to Cassian, he lays a firm hand on his chest. ]
You can't go to her.
[ His voice is soft, his eyes hard, and judging by the he's started to hold him back it is an order, not a request. ]
no subject
no matter what amos had told him, no matter that cassian had taken the warning seriously: there's no bracing himself for the sight of her. maybe he has seen her already. maybe this is the third time he's seeing kerri, the trees of kenari, today. but for him this is the first time â and so it takes the breath out of him, drains the blood from his face, sets a tremble to his hands, to the rest of him. she speaks, and her voice is achingly familiar, and her words are achingly unfamiliar. she could be speaking shyriiwook for how comprehensible it is to him, rather than the language of his homeworld. in this one miserable moment, before amos does anything, cassian is blindsided by his lost childhood.
and then amos does speak. and then amos does lay a hand on his chest, making him flinch with surprise. and then all that shocked misery curdles inside him, and his sadness sharpens into a hot anger. ]
Fuck you. [ he goes to violently shove amos's arm away, stepping closer to the girl as he does. ] Get out of my face.
[ he can't go to her? the thought hadn't ben a conscious one in his mind, but as soon as amos says it, he's aware of his need to do just that. of course he'll go to her. that's his sister. he's been searching for her since he was a child, and now she's standing in front of him â in kenos, this corner of the universe where the impossible happens â and he should not go to her? no. that simply isn't an option. ]
no subject
He cares, and that's what makes this both awful and a relief. But if there's anyone suited for doing the dirty work it's Amos, so he'll force down everything he's feeling. Get rid of all of it. It doesn't matter that Cassian is seeing his sister again for the first time in however long, it doesn't matter that he so obviously cares for her deeply. It matters that every time they've reached one another the world has reset, and Amos is going to put a stop to that.
His expression doesn't change as Cassian snarls at him, shoves his arm off of him. Amos instantly puts it back up, actively pressing his hand against Cassian's chest as he pushes him back a step with enough force to indicate that he means what he's saying. ]
Every time you reach her the world resets and you're standing around asking me if I know what's going on because you don't remember anything. I told you I knew your sister would be here because you told me, even though you didn't remember doing that. I know what I'm talking about here.
[ He doesn't, not entirely â it's a guess, but he has more to work with than Cassian does, so the statement is delivered with sincere belief. ]
Listen to me.
[ Don't make me do anything else, the warning sliding into his tone. ]
no subject
he really does, even as amos pushes hard enough to make him step backwards. his gaze keeps flicking from kerri to the other man, his eyes hard and troubled. his jaw clenches so tightly it's a miracle he doesn't crack his teeth. his hands, at his sides, are in fists. there's an ugly edge of resentment unfurling in tandem with the growing need to move closer to, not farther away from, the little girl. but he listens. ]
So, what then? We stand around and look at each other and hope she goes away?
[ beyond them, the little girl's voice gets a little more frantic, a little more insistent. ]
no subject
It's a blink, emotion slipping across his face as the little girl starts to sound distressed, and this goes against all of his instincts. He wants Cassian to reunite with her. Wants to bring her out with them. And knows, objectively, that the second the two of them meet they'll be back to square one.
He shuts his eyes, shaking his head â not in no but in frustration at himself, though who's to say how that'll be interpreted. ]
Maybe. [ The authority hasn't left his voice, even though the word probably indicates he shouldn't have any. ] I just know when you get to her you're not going to remember any of this, so we gotta do something different. And that means you not going up to her.
[ She needs her brother, he is actively keeping her brother from her. There's borderline a growl in Amos' throat because he's upset, he doesn't know how to be upset, he's angry. Doesn't matter who at. He just is. ]
Maybe we can find a way out when everything's a jungle like this. But you can't go to her.
no subject
there's another part of him that thinks that amos's logic holds water. it makes sense; it's what he'd conclude, himself. it's what he'd do, himself.
there's another part of him that feels kerri's distress like a physical wound. the awakening of long-forgotten memories that float to the surface: taking her hand to comfort her, humming melodies to soothe her, combing the tangles out of her hair with as much care as another child can. remembering small softnesses; things he doesn't know how to do anymore.
he looks from amos to her, and the longing in his chest has him try to push forward before he even knows what he's doing. he stops, swallows, squeezes his eyes shut. nods slowly. does the little girl's pitch get more insistent, more distressed, at his decision? or is that just in his head? he doesn't dare open his eyes yet, to look at amos and find out. ]
Tell me something, [ he says instead. his tone sounds more like an order, but they both know it for the plea it is. give me something else to listen to. ]
no subject
Amos can't look at her either. He doesn't have that level of emotional attachment, the depths that Cassian does to make this agonizing. He just hears a child in need and wants to fix something that cannot be fixed.
Really, he should be used to it. Got used to it decades ago, which is why he can never get used to it again.
His hand drifts to rest gently on Cassian's back, to urge him to take a step away from the little girl. Walk with me, essentially. Away from her, specifically. He doesn't want to look either; besides, the more distance they put between themselves and her, the better a chance they have at finding a solution. ]
Starwatcher's Spire. That's what you came here for, right? Me too. I don't want to see it go to shit; it's a nice place. Doing some good stuff with the observatory they got, considering the way islands drift around here. I'd say it's as vital as anything else. We find our way out of here, we should be able to make sure it's holding up okay.
no subject
how did he do it the first time?
he opens his eyes and drinks in one last look at her, the ghost from his past. the girl who is not really here, because nothing about that makes sense. because he knows, on some level of cold rationality, that this is a trick of magic. even if he doesn't want to know. then, slowly, he makes himself turn the way amos is ushering him.
this is not the first time he's had to take his pain with both hands and fold it into something small enough to not interfere with his mission objective. and that's what starwatcher's spire is, isn't it? the blight, here in kenos. a mission objective. something to understand, find, eliminate. he's killed and betrayed and sabotaged and had to solve the next problem before the blood had even cooled. he's successfully flown out of dangerous situations under fire no matter what impact the situations had on him. his face tips downwards, for a moment, and then he finds that old cold remove. or some semblance of it, anyway, gripped with white-knuckled fingers. he nods before answering: see, he's listening, see, he agrees. ]
With time, they'll figure out the technology we're used to. [ he really does believe that. these astronomers are nothing if not passionate. ] But in the meantime, it's important we do what we can to help them.
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So it's a relief that Cassian goes with him, turning away from the little girl, from her desperate cries. (He has no idea what she's saying, the specificities of what it is that has her upset. Seems obvious, though: she's alone in a strange world and her brother is leaving her. He's not really sure how much more he needs.) And he keeps that hand hovering behind Cassian's back, there but not touching, just in case â in case he needs the support, in case he suddenly decides to make a bolt for her, in case in case in case. Be prepared to do the dirty work, like keeping a child's saviour from ever reaching them.
At least he has the benefit of keeping his frustrations internal. It doesn't take much, a quick observation of Cassian's body language as he lets Amos take him away. It's like he's trained to obey the gun pointed at the back of his head, on the verge of breaking but for the threat of something worse forcing him to keep it together. A wild animal on the leash that so happens to be in Amos' hand.
He swallows, a blip, because there isn't a whole lot worse than this. And then he's back in charge. ]
That's right. [ Quietly said, but still with an authority behind his words. He's in charge, but he isn't trying to scare the guy. ] Think we should try to loop around, like a big U-turn. Head out this way for a bit, then walk back to the Spire. See if there's an exit through the trees or something we weren't seeing before.
[ And, unspoken: away from her. That's the only thing he can think to do. And if this doesn't work...
Well, fuck, maybe he will break that mirror after all. ]
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practical words, calmly and quietly stated. a plan of action. it's the best thing amos could give him right now, in truth. much better than platitudes, much better than trying to ask him about his sister or this jungle and everything he's ever lost, is losing now, the voice calling out behind them. the pain mounting in his chest that feels like it should crack open his ribs with its intensity, how how hard his hands are shaking the longer he goes without returning to his sister â
no, this is better. cassian isn't a talkative man even at the best of times, and this is a long way from them; so he walks the way amos directs without complaint or comment. he doesn't react to the hand just shy of his back at all, neither leaning on it nor pushing it away. amos's silent offer of support simply is, in the same way everything happening in this moment is a cold fact of reality. something he can emotionally respond to later, if ever. and after a few minutes of walking â
five, to be exact,
the voice finally stops. the trees dissolve into nothing, returning their surroundings to starwatcher's spire. the enormous roots caused by the blight, the freezing flowers, everything that drew cassian and amos here, begin to wither and recede. cassian breathes out, slow, closes his eyes. and then he looks up to amos and says, ]
You were right.
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It's maybe for the best.
But when the voice is gone entirely. When they're back in Highstorm proper, only with shitty dead plants all around them now. He finds all of the tension he'd been carrying in him draining, tipping his head back to stare up at the night sky and exhaling in time with Cassian. Lowering his gaze to look back at him when he speaks. ]
So I was.
[ His voice is devoid of emotion, because there isn't anything happy about this. Yes, they're out; they both also just went through something in there when trapped. Doesn't matter that it technically wasn't real; it was real in the moment. Especially to Cassian, three times over.
He blinks rapidly a couple of times. ]
I'm sorry. [ There's the emotion in his voice, sorrow mixed with regret â a genuine apology, even if he has nothing to apologize for. Still kind of feels like he does. ] Look, I don't know what the fuck that just was, other than something I probably shouldn't have seen, but...
[ A beat; what the fuck is he supposed to say? ]
If you need to talk about it, well. There are probably better people than me, but I don't judge, and I'm good at keeping my mouth fucking shut.
[ So there's that, which feels useless, but it's all he can really provide. Kind of the least of what he can do. ]
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and he's starting to remember that, isn't he? with the fading of the blight's magic, his memories are starting to return. the time loops amos had told him about. touching the mirror; seeing his sister and home world; reuniting with her only for everything to reset. there's something to be said about the impossibility of returning to his past. there is something that has been said, here, about the impossibility of returning to his childhood. to kenari. to his family. not only kerri; maarva and clem andor have been lost to him for a long time too, other people he'd loved whom he couldn't do anything for. couldn't come back for, in maarva's case, in time.
you were right, cassian had said, hollow. inflectionless. the key was for cassian to keep away from his sister. not give the magic, or the whatever the hell, the opportunity to reset again.
and amos had replied to him in turn, at least at first. but then amos apologizes, and then amos goes on, and cassian looks back at him again. he's a little less unmoored, this time; amos gives him something in the present moment to focus his attention on. amos's obvious distress at what he had to do. it's tempting to affirm that amos shouldn't have seen what he did, but that â would not be very grateful. that would not be the kindest response to amos's unhappiness, and cassian isn't kind, but he does owe amos something.
so he stirs himself enough to reach for amos's shoulder in a bracing gesture. bracing, in truth, for both of them. ]
You did what you had to do. If you hadn't, we'd still be stuck with the mirror, and those vines would still be growing. [ not to mention, ] Who knows what else might have gone wrong.
[ amos had made the call that had saved them, and saved the spire. and that makes it right. as for any pain that decision had cost â every decision, one way or another, needs to be paid with pain. that's what war means. he exhales, gives the other man's shoulder a pat before dropping his hand. a nonverbal response to that last offer; thanks of a sort, in the only way he can bear to offer it right now. ]
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And then they look right back into Cassian's again as he speaks. And yeah, he can appreciate that. He's right. Amos made the shitty choice because he was the only one who could, and he's used to it, so what is he doing being the one comforted?
He doesn't break Cassian's gaze when he pats his shoulder, lets go. When Amos brings his own hand up to mimic the gesture, something about the movement automatic, artificial (a pretend human learning by copying a real one), and yet still sincere (he means everything Cassian did). Look unflinchingly at him when he opens his mouth to speak again, open and honest and needing him to listen. Really, really needing him to listen, because for as buried as things are for Amos, they're still there, still real, and impacts on one's being are impacts, whether they're decades-old craters or minutes-old grazes. ]
There's still a way to get her back. Not like it was in there, but for real. No tricks, no bullshit. [ He means this as much as he has meant anything, voice hard as if to punctuate it, nothing more. ] Yima can get her shard for you. She's done that for a lot of people here. It might not be her the way you'd think of her, but at least you'd have her soul. You could protect her until she's ready to be here proper. Bring her with you to the new world once it's done.
[ It sounds stupid; he knows that.
And yet it's real, and he knows that, too. Cassian just needs to come with him.
His hand stays on his shoulder, able to be shrugged off at any time â though Amos hopes it won't be. That Cassian believes him. That he at least gets something out of this. ]
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so he looks up, surprised, when amos reaches for him. the motion is stiff, unpracticed, but not insincere. nothing about the way amos looks at him is insincere, and it makes him swallow as he meets that open gaze. normally, he could at least approximate friendliness, gratitude, something, at least in his eyes. but he's still so raw; still half-feels as if this is happening at a distance, or to someone else. he knows how to shove whatever's in his head aside to get the job done, he did, but it's starting to strain; and he has to resist the urge to shrug off that hand just for one less thing to deal with.
and then amos says, there's still a way to get her back. he feels like a plucked harp string, singing a single note: longing, rather than the suspicion and old grief he should be feeling. does feel, but not as strongly. no tricks, no bullshit. not a phantasm of a girl long gone, but a real shard. her soul, finally in his hands to protect at last. it knocks the breath out of him, how much he wants it. flickers through his eyes and the downwards pull of his mouth, and how he looks away before amos is done talking.
he exhales in a sharp staccato, and then he does pull away from amos. raises his hands briefly before letting them drop, and says, ]
I owe you one. Okay?
[ can't quite make himself meet amos's eyes. he does owe amos one, but he can't do this right now. and then he turns on his heel, heading back towards the city proper. ]
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