kenoslogs | open | a merry meri mingle

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open | a merry meri mingle

Who: Meridians new & old!
What: Cookout mingle
Where: Alenroux
When: Mid-March, after Vander's rescue
Warnings: Potentially alcohol consumption and violence, for the rowdy

After the initiation of Springstar's invasion plans for Alenroux, tensions among the Meridian-aligned might be a bit strained. The move comes as a surprise even for many of the shard-bearers within the faction itself, to say nothing of those whose livelihoods depend on the farms here. It's not yet clear what Highstorm's response will be, but one will certainly be coming; when that happens, someone is going to come out on the bottom, and their blood will be at least partially on Meridian's hands.

At times like this, the importance of maintaining morale can't be understated. A call goes out to the newest generation of those harmonized with Meridian's light: it's time to have a party!

PREPARATION:

Those who can are invited to help with the set-up. There are drinks to procure, foodstuffs to acquire and prepare, canopies to erect for shade, entertainments to organize. It's not meant to be a grand affair — the gathering is private, intended to foster camaraderie among the shard-bearers after long days and nights of work — but it will be a comfortable one, with edibles and enjoyments to offer to those taking solace in the company of their fellows.

It takes one of Alenroux's long days to make all the necessary arrangements — and then, late the following morning, after the night's monsters have slunk back into the woods, things are made ready. All that's left is for the guests to arrive.

THE EVENT:

Spring is still in the midst of taking hold over Alenroux, so a tall bonfire at the centre of the gathering place offers a toasty place to linger and chat throughout the day. Hot drinks and a variety of fire-roasted foods are on offer, including an entire deer helpfully supplied and prepared by Liem. Logs and stumps provide simple seating, and nearby canopies provide shade around the tables of food and drink. A little further away, sturdy tents provide more private gathering places for those wishing for a break from the hubbub.

And there will be hubbub. To break the ice between unfamiliar faces, a variety of contests have been set up over the course of the gathering. These range from simple arm-wrestling competitions, to three-legged races, to friendly sparring matches for those so-inclined. Gathered Meris are encouraged to spectate and bet amongst themselves on contest outcomes — and better yet, to volunteer to participate themselves during the next round.

For those who have already had a chance to relax and let off some steam, the gathering is a perfect opportunity to get to know one's fellow sect-mates a little better, and to reaffirm why Meridian called to them in the first place. Those gathered are encouraged to take the chance to tell a few tales about the place they came from, and to share the visions inside their Sunbeam with those from other worlds. A favourite place, a cherished person, an unkept promise, even an old enemy: all could be worth revisiting for a moment with new comrades in arms.

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It's something I sadly have much experience with. I have found my own ways of dealing with it, slowly but surely. And these days I find I manage to rest... even if this new place and new troubles seem to want to conspire against that.

[ That's a joke. Maybe. ]

Is that something you suffer as well?

Yes. I dislike being vulnerable, and in this place, I'm vulnerable when I'm asleep.

[Perhaps it was a spillover of Sothis's lingering trauma from being murdered in her sleep, maybe it was because he was so used to Jeralt's presence that finding himself bereft of it so abruptly had his anxiety digging holes where it shouldn't, but the fact remained that Byleth hadn't had a full night's sleep since coming to Kenos. You wouldn't guess it looking at him, though. He didn't even have eyebags.]

...would you like company in the evenings?

[ That's the first thought that springs to mind. ]

If it would help you rest, I'd be happy to be on hand.

[Byleth let out a strange huff, like something caught between a noise of surprise and a not-quite-laugh.]

...Claude made the same offer earlier. I'm... surprised you'd both sacrifice your evenings to appease my irrational anxiety. I'm grateful but, I've nothing to give in return for your kindness.

You needn't give me anything.

[ He's not too surprised about Claude volunteering, either. ]

You're my friend. It's the least I could do.

Still, I feel as if I've become something of a burden to you and Claude.

[He had floundered since coming to Kenos, and whilst he had started to find his footing by throwing himself into the investigation like the very fate of the world depended on it, he still felt a prickling feeling at having to lean so heavily on Claude and Dimitri from time to time.

He hadn't leaned this hard even on Jeralt! Well, once he could be trusted to walk around with a knife unsupervised, that is.]

For my own peace of mind, I wish to repay you both somehow... so, at the very least, think on what you'd desire from me.

[...wording, Byleth.]

My dear friend...

[ Dimitri reaches out to take Byleth's hands in his, setting his mug down first. ]

All I desire is that you stay as safe as you can in place such as this and that you find your way forward. Seeing you succeed, knowing that one day you will return to your home... that is enough for me. But if you must even the score.... then your presence with my unit would be enough. Perhaps you can give them a few pointers I cannot.

[Oh. Byleth.exe almost stopped working again, but he was prepared for Dimitri's lethal earnestness this time. He stoically endured, keeping his face utterly blank even as the tips of his ears turned slightly pink.]

...that I can do. I'll aid you and your unit in whatever capacity you need of me. Consider me your blade, Dimitri.

More than a blade. You're a comrade.

[ Dimitri smiles again. ]

That's all I ask.

Ah, alright. If that's what you wish.

[Comrades was still a new area for Byleth, but one he was feeling more surefooted in as time went on. There was a bit of a pause where he stared at Dimitri for a moment, as if he was a puzzle he couldn't quite crack, before lowering his gaze to where his hands were clasped in Dimitri's.]

...you have warm hands.

...as do you.

[ Dimitri cannot help but laugh. ]

If you'd rather we not hold hands like this, I won't be offended.

...it's not that I dislike it. I'm just unaccustomed to being touched so casually.

[Jeralt had been the only one to touch him in non-threatening ways: shoulder pats, nudges or hair ruffles. Shez, as well, would pat him like he was a horse - in a friendly way, though. While Byleth had become acclimatised to that, he was still surprised whenever Dimitri or Claude (as his mystery masq date) touched him.]

The majority of those who get this close to me are enemies on the battlefield. A part of me expects pain.

I'm happy to be someone who can give you comfort instead, then.

[ Dimitri's smile spreads a bit wider. The man is practically beaming. ]

And I hope that one day you'll be more used to such gentleness.

No. I shouldn't get too used to it. It'll make me complacent.

[Survival at all costs, that's what Jeralt told him. While Byleth wanted to have friends, he couldn't let it come at the cost of his sharply honed instincts. Look what happened with Shez. While he didn't blame him for the attempted assassination, Arval only had the chance because Byleth had foolishly lowered his guard... had turned his back on him, made himself vulnerable... expected gentleness. And what did it give him?]

And complacency leads only to a knife in one's back.

There's a balance between... "complacency" and being wary fof everyone and everything, I think.

[ Of all people, Dimitri probably should be incredibly paranoid. The fact that he isn't says something. ]

...I suppose.

[It was a complicated topic, one that Byleth felt ill-equipped to properly navigate. He looked down at their clasped hands and away.]

Dimitri. Sometimes I wonder at your capacity to trust, or at least, grant opportunities to allow that trust to naturally grow. In my timeline...

[He paused. Though he had glossed over that he had been hired initially by the Empire during that night where they had tried (and aborted due to Byleth's irrational emotions on the subject) to exchange differences between their timelines, he hadn't truly gone into depth about it. How he had cross blades with Dimitri multiple times - how he had tried to legitimately kill Dimitri multiple times.

He was a target then, that was all Byleth had viewed him as, and afterwards, an employer. Claude didn't come with this awkward baggage - the leader of Leicester had never been one of his targets and just a name he heard bandied about by Shez - but while the Dimitri of his time had swept aside the previous murder attempts in favour of pragmatism, he wasn't sure how this Dimitri would react to them being enemies once, as his Byleth had been a staunch ally and friend.

Was there even any point in bringing it up? A part of him felt disingenuous about it, being so coy, but... what purpose would it serve but to potentially drive a wedge between them?]

...nevermind. I think I may've drank too much. My thoughts have gone to strange places.

[ Huh. Dimitri... isn't sure of what to make of that reaction or the thought left unfinished. He closes his eye and then opens it again after a moment of thought. ]

...whatever happened in your timeline has no bearing on my feelings toward you, Byleth. Please, believe that. Some... wonder that I still trust at all after the hardships and tragedy I have endured and the strife I have faced. But... I think for me, I must trust. I must put my faith in my fellow human beings or I will fall entirely to despair.

[ He's waxing philosophical. ]

We are all capable of great evil, but... if we are to build a future, if any one of us is to persevere, we must still be willing to try and trust. To try and become something more. Even if that eventually is thrown back at us - to believe in the better nature of another is no fault.

Yet to do that opens you up to betrayal.

[Byleth's tone wasn't scolding or disapproving... he sounded puzzled, more than anything.]

It seems like... a contradictory risk. To survive at all costs, you must keep your circle of trusted ones small and well-vetted. Even then, they may betray you, as humans are complex and contrary creatures.

[Byleth had experienced it with Shez, in a way, but before that he had simply witnessed it in his fellow man. Jeralt always told him to be careful too, even while pushing him to make friends with his peers. 'Everyone's got a price, even if they don't know it,' he had said, though he never said what his price was when Byleth asked. He had just waved him off and said he had already paid it, whatever that meant.]

Not to say that I disagree with you. For a brighter future, we must believe in man's better nature, yet... at the same time...

[Perhaps it was Sothis's ingrained wariness from how she came to reside within Byleth: a trauma that lacked memories yet left an indelible smudge regardless on both of them. To trust, to turn your back on someone, to be openly vulnerable... it made them both cringe and bristle at the same time, to remember a vivid and visceral stab of pain deep in his chest, as if a dagger in the dark had speared through it.]

...I suppose I'm in slight awe at your reckless kindness. It's a rare trait in our world.

What else can I be?

[ Dimitri accepts Byleth's point of view. He knows he should be more cautious in some respects (perhaps all respects). But he can't find it in himself to look at the world through such distrusting eyes. He wants to will a better world into existence. To make it be by doing it himself. ]

All people deserve a chance. Even if they harm you, in the end. That is what I truly believe. Justice must come for those who harm others, of course... but before that they can simply be people.

Hm...

[Slowly, Byleth pulled his hands from Dimitri's. He folded them in his lap instead, his gaze inscrutable as he peered at Dimitri.

He was so different to Claude, who was as slippery as an eel and as closed off as a clam, even if he gave off the impression of easy camaraderie. Dimitri was just... what you saw was what you got. There wasn't a hint of duplicity in his earnest expression or voice - Dimitri honestly believed in people, despite humanity as a whole proving itself to be bitterly disappointing at times.

It was inspiring, in its own way. It encouraged you to trust in turn, no matter how irrational. The Dimitri of his world had been very much the same - he had to be to get the likes of Yuri swearing undying loyalty to him.]

In my timeline... I tried to kill you, Dimitri, on multiple occasions. It wasn't anything personal, of course. My only motivation was coin. Yet, despite this... when Jeralt and I surrendered to you after months of fighting, there was no animosity from you. Instead you hired us on the spot, there and then, and helped us to avoid the Church even though we were practically your prisoners. You could've press-ganged us into service - or executed us.

[Byleth sighed quietly - something rueful and almost wry.]

I never understood why you took such a leap of faith on us. I could never figure it out. Of course, I was grateful too. When Jeralt told us to surrender to you, I almost disobeyed. I assumed you would've been like the Emperor and been... coldly pragmatic in disposing of a dangerous element when it was vulnerable. But you didn't. You spared us.

[Huh. Byleth hadn't realised how heavy a weight that had been on him until he had told Dimitri. He thought it hadn't been a big deal, keeping this as a secret, but it seemed it had been eating at him a little - allowing Dimitri to claim friendship without him knowing of Byleth's... earlier hostility towards another version of him. A non-personal hostility, mind. Byleth didn't enjoy killing.]

I know I probably should've kept this to myself. It serves no real purpose to tell you now, when it's so irrelevant to everything, but... I felt compelled to tell you, after hearing you speak. It would've been disingenuous of me, to not confess what I did to the Dimitri of my world. Or, attempted to, rather.

[ Again, Dimitri listens. There's a lot to unwind and unpack there. It's... not exactly startling, but it is perhaps a little unsettling to hear they were enemies - at least for a little while. But... he knows Byleth. Trusts him. Whatever had happened in this alternate timeline, he felt sure that he would have done the same. And he did, if the 'him' that Byleth knows is any indication. He offers a slow, warm smile as Byleth finishes. ]

...there's nothing for you to apologize to me for.

[ Again, he reaches out. ]

You are my friend, no matter what world or timeline you might come from. Whatever you might have done - it pales in comparison to what I know of you. Please - be at ease. I cannot hold such a thing against you.

...if you're certain.

[Byleth visibly hesitated, but he extended his hand, allowing Dimitri to grasp it once more. He was still unused to it - but perhaps time and desensitisation would allow him to accept the touch without wanting to flinch back first.]

I know that you're not the Dimitri of my world, which was why I felt some semblance of guilt in keeping that secret from you. My Dimitri had already made his decision to look beyond our previous violent history, but you were ignorant of it - may've been unnerved that I once attacked a version of you with the intent to kill.

But if you're certain that it doesn't bother you, then I'll accept that.

I can't hold that against you. Even if you did try to harm me... especially after the amount of blood I have spilled in the past, for far less savory reasons.

[ He still carries a lot of guilt about that. ]

So it would be the height of hypocrisy for me to try and blame you for it.

Very well. Then, I can accept your friendship without guilt.

[..................]

...I'm unsure on how we proceed from here.

...we remain friends?

[ Dimitri laughs. ]

It need not be complicated.

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