[ Matt's eyes widen abruptly. His stomach plunges.
I cut it off? he doesn't manage to ask, though his lips part like he might be about to. For all his horror, there's not a hint of incredulity on his face. This version of Matt was never in that cave in Horos, his insides crawling with despair, his every desperate prayer unanswered. But sacrifice to do something meaningful ... that strikes him as something he might do. Something he is doing, even, through this bargain with Silco. ]
No wonder you've been worried, [ Matt murmurs. ] Shit.
[ His free hand comes to cover Liem's. He's not really thinking about how this might look; he just wants to assure Liem that he hears his concern. More than hears it--accepts it. For a moment after, Matt's quiet, trying to figure out what to say. ]
I want to try and stay who I am, [ he says eventually. His tone is soft. An attempt at soothing. ] A part of me is willing to make sacrifices to help other people, and I don't want to lose that. But I promise you, I'm not doing it like that. [ A huff of breath, not quite enough for either sigh or laugh. ] For one thing, blood cells replace themselves. Giving up a few isn't, you know--permanent.
[ At the back of his mind, Matt wonders why nobody else has told him what that other him did. Not Sebastian or Silco, they don't seem like they'd necessarily care. But Amos?
Maybe Amos was building up to it before they argued. ]
no subject
I cut it off? he doesn't manage to ask, though his lips part like he might be about to. For all his horror, there's not a hint of incredulity on his face. This version of Matt was never in that cave in Horos, his insides crawling with despair, his every desperate prayer unanswered. But sacrifice to do something meaningful ... that strikes him as something he might do. Something he is doing, even, through this bargain with Silco. ]
No wonder you've been worried, [ Matt murmurs. ] Shit.
[ His free hand comes to cover Liem's. He's not really thinking about how this might look; he just wants to assure Liem that he hears his concern. More than hears it--accepts it. For a moment after, Matt's quiet, trying to figure out what to say. ]
I want to try and stay who I am, [ he says eventually. His tone is soft. An attempt at soothing. ] A part of me is willing to make sacrifices to help other people, and I don't want to lose that. But I promise you, I'm not doing it like that. [ A huff of breath, not quite enough for either sigh or laugh. ] For one thing, blood cells replace themselves. Giving up a few isn't, you know--permanent.
[ At the back of his mind, Matt wonders why nobody else has told him what that other him did. Not Sebastian or Silco, they don't seem like they'd necessarily care. But Amos?
Maybe Amos was building up to it before they argued. ]