[ there are two things dextera knows with certainty. one, that all their worlds are different, even the ones that seem the same. the other is that makoto would not take kindly to the truth of dextera’s existence even so.
his purification is already opposed to makoto’s entirety. it’s not something he can change about himself, but he can choose not to use it knowing that it hurts makoto; and the reason that it does is because he is a god, righting the kind of aberrations that demons—baroques, the grotesque creatures twisted by them too—are made from. he hasn’t talked about his past because he doesn’t remember it, and that’s allowed him to avoid mentioning too much of his present, either.
now, though, he’s at an unpleasant crossroads. his skin crawls with guilt, knowing that his own self-preservation will win out over being completely honest with makoto. ]
…you know that I’ve sinned.
[ although he’s moved away from thinking of it quite like that—the words don’t feel as right as they used to—it’s the vocabulary that he leans on to explain himself. ]
I don’t tell people what I did. I can’t. They wouldn’t look at me the same. [ there’s an odd distortion to this lead-in, almost hard to listen to through communion for the way dextera’s own heart pushes and pulls at his will to say it. ] But I’ll tell you. I killed the world.
[ it isn’t something he’s been able to hide entirely. both this world and the one before it have forced people to see glimpses of dextera’s apocalypse, and in his explanations of his loyalty to meridian, he’s claimed a need to fix it. but admitting to being the cause… he hasn’t yet done that, and this is only the context required to properly answer makoto’s question. ]
no subject
his purification is already opposed to makoto’s entirety. it’s not something he can change about himself, but he can choose not to use it knowing that it hurts makoto; and the reason that it does is because he is a god, righting the kind of aberrations that demons—baroques, the grotesque creatures twisted by them too—are made from. he hasn’t talked about his past because he doesn’t remember it, and that’s allowed him to avoid mentioning too much of his present, either.
now, though, he’s at an unpleasant crossroads. his skin crawls with guilt, knowing that his own self-preservation will win out over being completely honest with makoto. ]
…you know that I’ve sinned.
[ although he’s moved away from thinking of it quite like that—the words don’t feel as right as they used to—it’s the vocabulary that he leans on to explain himself. ]
I don’t tell people what I did. I can’t. They wouldn’t look at me the same. [ there’s an odd distortion to this lead-in, almost hard to listen to through communion for the way dextera’s own heart pushes and pulls at his will to say it. ] But I’ll tell you. I killed the world.
[ it isn’t something he’s been able to hide entirely. both this world and the one before it have forced people to see glimpses of dextera’s apocalypse, and in his explanations of his loyalty to meridian, he’s claimed a need to fix it. but admitting to being the cause… he hasn’t yet done that, and this is only the context required to properly answer makoto’s question. ]