[ this is the problem with their Communion in the state it is, uncontrolled and bleeding out – Akua can say aloud that the fault lies with no one, and yet Rudbeckia feels it herself, that contempt, the scorn directed towards her for "allowing" herself to become this way as if there was no cruel hand, no wretched and unending nightmare that shaped her. as though she has any real power to change it. she feels the pity devoid of sympathy or understanding: simply condescension. Ruby has never liked to make assumptions on what others may have suffered through in their life, but this woman—even if she's been through hardship, this is someone who has never known victimhood. helplessness, abandonment, desperation... surely they must just be words on a page to Akua Sahelian.
in return, though Ruby's thoughts have become murky with the intensity of her muddled emotions, a roiling and suffocating tar pit, what Akua will feel and know instinctively from Communion is this: what she intended to be the precision cut of a scalpel may as well have been carving at Rudbeckia with a butcher's cleaver. whether she means kindness by her cruelty, or a lesson to be taught, the only thing her words are achieving on Rudbeckia is harm. she is not a child stubbornly refusing to take her medicine; she is a bleeding, gasping thing, body riddled with arrows.
but none of this is expressed by Ruby herself. she looks at Akua with a dull, weary gaze and she thinks: Why did I try to explain? What good comes from knowing the details? You're supposed to be better than that, idiot. the Zenith influence coursing through her had fooled her, tried to convince her that she could shed that weight and start anew, but she shouldn't have listened. ah, that's right – as much as her words had sparked that anger in Ruby, it's really no fault of Akua. Ruby shouldn't have tried to speak in the first place when she knows better; she wouldn't be scolded if she could just get it right. ]
Because I'm a coward. [ it is a frank, shameless admission spoken in exhaustion. there's no defiance in her expression, and her words are not meant as a defence. she still hasn't moved at all from her place in the dirt, curled up as small as she can make herself. ] Signora, the only thing I want to do is survive. I'm not a greedy person; I know my place.
[ and she is well aware that place will not change; not in her past life, the present, or the future. ]
If my existence is so pathetic to you, then please simply overlook it. I'll try very hard not to be an eyesore in the future.
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in return, though Ruby's thoughts have become murky with the intensity of her muddled emotions, a roiling and suffocating tar pit, what Akua will feel and know instinctively from Communion is this: what she intended to be the precision cut of a scalpel may as well have been carving at Rudbeckia with a butcher's cleaver. whether she means kindness by her cruelty, or a lesson to be taught, the only thing her words are achieving on Rudbeckia is harm. she is not a child stubbornly refusing to take her medicine; she is a bleeding, gasping thing, body riddled with arrows.
but none of this is expressed by Ruby herself. she looks at Akua with a dull, weary gaze and she thinks: Why did I try to explain? What good comes from knowing the details? You're supposed to be better than that, idiot. the Zenith influence coursing through her had fooled her, tried to convince her that she could shed that weight and start anew, but she shouldn't have listened. ah, that's right – as much as her words had sparked that anger in Ruby, it's really no fault of Akua. Ruby shouldn't have tried to speak in the first place when she knows better; she wouldn't be scolded if she could just get it right. ]
Because I'm a coward. [ it is a frank, shameless admission spoken in exhaustion. there's no defiance in her expression, and her words are not meant as a defence. she still hasn't moved at all from her place in the dirt, curled up as small as she can make herself. ] Signora, the only thing I want to do is survive. I'm not a greedy person; I know my place.
[ and she is well aware that place will not change; not in her past life, the present, or the future. ]
If my existence is so pathetic to you, then please simply overlook it. I'll try very hard not to be an eyesore in the future.