[ "doing the work for them"? all that despair goes still and placid, Ruby's mind wiped completely blank—and then it rises up in a sudden flash of incandescent fury, scorching her lungs and licking up her throat. it's not directed at Akua, not with any such precision; it seems more like the manner in which a wounded animal snaps its teeth at anyone reaching out to save it. appropriately, the laughter that wrenches itself from Ruby is a bark: ]
—Ha! So it's my fault? I'm just not trying hard enough? Of course, anything is possible if you just take things into your own hands and pull yourself up by your bootstraps, is that it?
[ Akua wants her to think that there is no such cycle, and yet here she is, saying the exact same thing that Rudbeckia has heard so many dozens of times before in her lives. any time she finally broke down and begged for help, that was the reason she never received it from even the kindest and most well-meaning souls. people love to tell her that she can change her own life, that she's wallowing in self-pity, that God helps those who help themselves. she's so fucking tired of hearing it.
but the cool waters of Zenith's energy douse her anger, and even the embers fade out. although her bitter smile remains, the spark is gone from Ruby's gaze. ]
It doesn't matter. There are things I've been through that can't— [ she swallows ] can't be explained any other way. Maybe it's not like that where you come from, but for me...
[ in this frenzied state of Communion, even their opposing Aspects are able to connect with enough clarity that Akua sees a memory through Rudbeckia's eyes – through the eyes of a child, her knuckles sore and marked by red welts, hands trembling as she holds them out under a teacher's cold stare. God punishes liars, █████, she is told, and she knows without doubt that it is true. even now, the knowledge is rooted deep in her heart. do good, and be rewarded; do bad, and be punished. and she tried, but there is a stain on her soul that simply will not wash out. ]
And it's happening again now. Everything here is the same.
[ that helpless feeling that surrounds Rudbeckia is inescapable, someone who lives every day with the awareness of a guillotine hanging over their head and nowhere to go that it won't follow. ]
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—Ha! So it's my fault? I'm just not trying hard enough? Of course, anything is possible if you just take things into your own hands and pull yourself up by your bootstraps, is that it?
[ Akua wants her to think that there is no such cycle, and yet here she is, saying the exact same thing that Rudbeckia has heard so many dozens of times before in her lives. any time she finally broke down and begged for help, that was the reason she never received it from even the kindest and most well-meaning souls. people love to tell her that she can change her own life, that she's wallowing in self-pity, that God helps those who help themselves. she's so fucking tired of hearing it.
but the cool waters of Zenith's energy douse her anger, and even the embers fade out. although her bitter smile remains, the spark is gone from Ruby's gaze. ]
It doesn't matter. There are things I've been through that can't— [ she swallows ] can't be explained any other way. Maybe it's not like that where you come from, but for me...
[ in this frenzied state of Communion, even their opposing Aspects are able to connect with enough clarity that Akua sees a memory through Rudbeckia's eyes – through the eyes of a child, her knuckles sore and marked by red welts, hands trembling as she holds them out under a teacher's cold stare. God punishes liars, █████, she is told, and she knows without doubt that it is true. even now, the knowledge is rooted deep in her heart. do good, and be rewarded; do bad, and be punished. and she tried, but there is a stain on her soul that simply will not wash out. ]
And it's happening again now. Everything here is the same.
[ that helpless feeling that surrounds Rudbeckia is inescapable, someone who lives every day with the awareness of a guillotine hanging over their head and nowhere to go that it won't follow. ]