[ Jonathan Sims takes her hand, Rudbeckia draws a bracing breath of air, and—
happiness has never been something in the realm of possibility for her. as long as she survived, it didn't matter whether she spent the rest of eternity miserable and wretched. wishing for anything more than that – whether that be joy, or vengeance, or freedom – would be like a starving person holding out for a gourmet feast. it's a state of mind that makes it easier to swallow the aspect of Zenith that John pours into her, no matter how unpleasant, well-accustomed already to endurance, to forcing herself to drink poison. and once the first of the stillness settles over her, Rudbeckia accepts the corruption eagerly, seeming desperate for the serenity it offers.
she expects nothing from Zenith—not its leader, nor its followers, nor its power. but unlike Meridian, at least it can offer her the escape of apathy.
although none of her fears will never leave Ruby entirely, it does ease somewhat, now that the outcome she was so intensely afraid of has happened. her life has been ruined once more. she'll be a traitor to the Meridian, and spineless to the Zenith, so her reputation has no hope of recovery. all that's left to do is survive as long as she can, waiting for this life to end so that she can try again on the next one. ]
... Yeah. You're right. [ about peace, she means. now that it is part of her, the Zenith influence begins to mold itself to suit; the calm John has given her is already beginning to turn to ice, numbing her heart. her hand trembles faintly in his. ] Signore, I... don't really know anyone in Zenith. Is it alright if I stay with you?
[ if the lifelines she had made are useless now, she may as well start on the new ones already. ]
no subject
happiness has never been something in the realm of possibility for her. as long as she survived, it didn't matter whether she spent the rest of eternity miserable and wretched. wishing for anything more than that – whether that be joy, or vengeance, or freedom – would be like a starving person holding out for a gourmet feast. it's a state of mind that makes it easier to swallow the aspect of Zenith that John pours into her, no matter how unpleasant, well-accustomed already to endurance, to forcing herself to drink poison. and once the first of the stillness settles over her, Rudbeckia accepts the corruption eagerly, seeming desperate for the serenity it offers.
she expects nothing from Zenith—not its leader, nor its followers, nor its power. but unlike Meridian, at least it can offer her the escape of apathy.
although none of her fears will never leave Ruby entirely, it does ease somewhat, now that the outcome she was so intensely afraid of has happened. her life has been ruined once more. she'll be a traitor to the Meridian, and spineless to the Zenith, so her reputation has no hope of recovery. all that's left to do is survive as long as she can, waiting for this life to end so that she can try again on the next one. ]
... Yeah. You're right. [ about peace, she means. now that it is part of her, the Zenith influence begins to mold itself to suit; the calm John has given her is already beginning to turn to ice, numbing her heart. her hand trembles faintly in his. ] Signore, I... don't really know anyone in Zenith. Is it alright if I stay with you?
[ if the lifelines she had made are useless now, she may as well start on the new ones already. ]