This act of fervor will empty itself between them, and he will have attempted to tear Caren from her foundation fruitlessly. Even worse, for the war god to succeed — it will come around, after all things have been laid out by the Oracle and judged. After a victor has been crowned, if he has dragged her into the light and loses, he will be the most pathetic combatant — insecure, light-hungry and burning himself upon an altar of foreign hopes to make up for the fact that he, himself, is without hope. No matter what, victory or loss, he will regret what he does to her. He will regret what he has done to Childe, for it is against his desires to wrest others brutally from their convictions; not when he, in turn, feeds himself upon the strength of their passions.
This is definitely not the choice he would make, but like nature — thoughtless and brutal, he strives to make it. ]
Caren — [ He murmurs her own name to her, leaning down further to touch his nose to hers. To find her golden eyes with his own and hover in her space, to clasp her hair in one hand and reach down to her hands formerly clasped in prayer. To press a cursing kiss to the bridge of her nose, smiling and mournful and embittered to his own actions. ]
I do not know if I will recover from what I have done to Childe. I do not think I will recover from what I am going to do to you. I have to be resolute, in this — even as I, I think that I am begging myself not to do it. [ Contradictions within contradictions, all contained within his parameters. Set's personal yearning does not often clash with his divine path, but neither does he usually do something like this. There is brutalizing someone's body and heart upon the battlefield, via strength and tactic, and there is battering at their will until consuming it.
( He will never have what he yearns for, and so, he must fight for it. )
In response to her question, he sinks deeper into her own mind. Has he convinced himself? Naturally, in this moment he is nothing but a man convinced that the path he's on is the right one; Zenith is incapable of embodying the ideals of countless unique individuals. They cannot accommodate for every soul, and anything that seeks a singular world will seek to suppress and control those who do not fit a mold. But. If there is no mold, the world itself will rot and collapse under the weight of every dream, every desire, every free thing that he ( wants ) knows they will seek to attain — to Set, Meridian-bright, Zenith's dream is only another apocalypse in the making.
It is lovely. It is scintillating, but it will never hold a candle to the promise of Meridian. ]
You are going to let me do this to you, Caren. Because when you enter Meridian, you will know it for what it is — beauty, life and the eternal promise of something to ruin oneself on. Do you not want to aid me? When I come down from this... and I am once again the penitent, pathetic god you know me to be? Do you not want me?
[ Minegishi Gen could not want him enough, and left. He could not infiltrate Liem Talbott's heart and give him strength. He fed Melshi ( Cassian ) and his companion ( Jyn ) to Zenith because he could not be what they needed. So, for Caren — he feeds Meridian to her as something selfish and utterly pathetic. A broken, sham of a god who wants to hurt her deeply, and then lay in her lap afterwards and be forgiven. ]
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This act of fervor will empty itself between them, and he will have attempted to tear Caren from her foundation fruitlessly. Even worse, for the war god to succeed — it will come around, after all things have been laid out by the Oracle and judged. After a victor has been crowned, if he has dragged her into the light and loses, he will be the most pathetic combatant — insecure, light-hungry and burning himself upon an altar of foreign hopes to make up for the fact that he, himself, is without hope. No matter what, victory or loss, he will regret what he does to her. He will regret what he has done to Childe, for it is against his desires to wrest others brutally from their convictions; not when he, in turn, feeds himself upon the strength of their passions.
This is definitely not the choice he would make, but like nature — thoughtless and brutal, he strives to make it. ]
Caren — [ He murmurs her own name to her, leaning down further to touch his nose to hers. To find her golden eyes with his own and hover in her space, to clasp her hair in one hand and reach down to her hands formerly clasped in prayer. To press a cursing kiss to the bridge of her nose, smiling and mournful and embittered to his own actions. ]
I do not know if I will recover from what I have done to Childe. I do not think I will recover from what I am going to do to you. I have to be resolute, in this — even as I, I think that I am begging myself not to do it. [ Contradictions within contradictions, all contained within his parameters. Set's personal yearning does not often clash with his divine path, but neither does he usually do something like this. There is brutalizing someone's body and heart upon the battlefield, via strength and tactic, and there is battering at their will until consuming it.
( He will never have what he yearns for, and so, he must fight for it. )
In response to her question, he sinks deeper into her own mind. Has he convinced himself? Naturally, in this moment he is nothing but a man convinced that the path he's on is the right one; Zenith is incapable of embodying the ideals of countless unique individuals. They cannot accommodate for every soul, and anything that seeks a singular world will seek to suppress and control those who do not fit a mold. But. If there is no mold, the world itself will rot and collapse under the weight of every dream, every desire, every free thing that he ( wants ) knows they will seek to attain — to Set, Meridian-bright, Zenith's dream is only another apocalypse in the making.
It is lovely. It is scintillating, but it will never hold a candle to the promise of Meridian. ]
You are going to let me do this to you, Caren. Because when you enter Meridian, you will know it for what it is — beauty, life and the eternal promise of something to ruin oneself on. Do you not want to aid me? When I come down from this... and I am once again the penitent, pathetic god you know me to be? Do you not want me?
[ Minegishi Gen could not want him enough, and left. He could not infiltrate Liem Talbott's heart and give him strength. He fed Melshi ( Cassian ) and his companion ( Jyn ) to Zenith because he could not be what they needed. So, for Caren — he feeds Meridian to her as something selfish and utterly pathetic. A broken, sham of a god who wants to hurt her deeply, and then lay in her lap afterwards and be forgiven. ]