( the question elicits a grim smile from john; it's a very clever deduction.
of all of the Shard-Bearers on kenos, a very small number know fully what his title means, and an even smaller division of those know the truth behind it. the entity to which his continued existence is inextricably tied to, its true and fearsome nature, and what both of them had in concert (and against his will) done to damn his world to Hell on earth... these are all things he would prefer he could keep to himself. part of it is shame, yes, but there is also self-preservation instinct wrapped up within it, deeper than even he can see. what he had done to his world, he is technically primed to do again. if certain individuals got the shape of the truth of him and his nature, they might well decide that he continuing to draw breath is a risk they couldn't accept. )
Yes. Though it goes well past that.
( he clutches his hand into a fist and frowns. )
It's a bit of a misnomer, you know. "Archivist." It implies a certain level of separation from that which I might endeavor to "archive"... one that I don't have. ( the Archive was not something that he had left behind on his own planet in the bowels of the Institute's basement, enshrined to Magnus' success in ascending to become the Eye's pupil in the world he had helped architect — no, it sits right alongside liem here, in these caverns. ) In reading and listening to the accounts of others' fear, I inscribe them upon myself — I feel them just as vividly as if they had happened to me. And I carry them now with me wherever I go. ( he lapses into silence, and as he concludes his brief explanation, a healthy amount of bitterness creeps into his tone, ) The entity that I am... in service to, I suppose I should say. There are some that might call it a god. ( he frowns. clearly, he's not one of them. ) That is what it would have me do. And all Archivists before me.
no subject
of all of the Shard-Bearers on kenos, a very small number know fully what his title means, and an even smaller division of those know the truth behind it. the entity to which his continued existence is inextricably tied to, its true and fearsome nature, and what both of them had in concert (and against his will) done to damn his world to Hell on earth... these are all things he would prefer he could keep to himself. part of it is shame, yes, but there is also self-preservation instinct wrapped up within it, deeper than even he can see. what he had done to his world, he is technically primed to do again. if certain individuals got the shape of the truth of him and his nature, they might well decide that he continuing to draw breath is a risk they couldn't accept. )
Yes. Though it goes well past that.
( he clutches his hand into a fist and frowns. )
It's a bit of a misnomer, you know. "Archivist." It implies a certain level of separation from that which I might endeavor to "archive"... one that I don't have. ( the Archive was not something that he had left behind on his own planet in the bowels of the Institute's basement, enshrined to Magnus' success in ascending to become the Eye's pupil in the world he had helped architect — no, it sits right alongside liem here, in these caverns. ) In reading and listening to the accounts of others' fear, I inscribe them upon myself — I feel them just as vividly as if they had happened to me. And I carry them now with me wherever I go. ( he lapses into silence, and as he concludes his brief explanation, a healthy amount of bitterness creeps into his tone, ) The entity that I am... in service to, I suppose I should say. There are some that might call it a god. ( he frowns. clearly, he's not one of them. ) That is what it would have me do. And all Archivists before me.