[ Unfortunately, Set is right. There's only one person in existence who could have asked that question, for whom Gen would have considered saying 'yes.' But that person remains asleep as a shard somewhere in the safe corners of Amos' room, silent and unreachable -- and even if they could speak, that question is just about the last thing they'd ask. 'Would you live for me,' is a question so far into the realm of the hypothetical for him that Gen can't even imagine a world in which he answers with, 'yes.'
But that's not to say some part of him doesn't ache for it.
Gen looks at Set in silence for a moment and wonders what those tears are for -- if they really are for him, like he wants to guess. He wonders if he's special at all, or if Set would extend this same invitation to anyone else just as volatile. He wonders if it would have made a difference, if Set had offered him that shelter just a little earlier, before this entire scenario chipped away at what remained of his endurance. As much as he knows, he knows the answer to all those question would have been 'no' ...
a part of him wants to believe in another place, at another time, Set could have dragged a 'yes' out of at least one of them. The blinding sunlight and endless, heady expanses of sand in the landscape of Set's mind call to him. Maybe he could have buried himself in them, were circumstances just a little different. ]
... you can wait all you want. But I won't ever be there. [ It's a testament to Set's allure that Gen's answer is frank instead of dismissive. No 'fuck off' or 'as if,' just a low exhale, not quite a wry laugh, before he dips his gaze once more. A drop of Set's blood's flecked red on the side of his thumb and he rubs absently at it, feeling it grit between his fingertips. Too bad it flakes away easily instead of leaving a stain. ] You think I'm as easy as you? Even if you did die for me, it'd mostly be to spite whoever it is you hate -- I'm not interested in being your side piece. And you want me to stay there just for you? Fuck you. Cling to someone else, instead.
[ Someone else might stand a chance, he thinks. Someone else not so rotten to the core might find their home in that shelter Set offers. It's a good offer, after all. He's almost jealous of this hypothetical recipient.
And while the settle of Zenith's chill in Gen's soul grows deeper, firmer, colder, it brings along with it a peace that had been absent before Set had said his peace. Though the core of his being is still built on exhaustion and loneliness, there's some respite to be found in pretending he'd ever stood a chance otherwise. A tiny part of him thanks Set for offering him the chance to be so delusional, and for the first time, he does think that maybe Set's talk of being a god isn't bullshit. Maybe that's why he adds, ]
But if you ever feel like dying in the end, I'll still do that for you. I'll do that much for you, so. You can find me. I'll wait for that.
[ Said as he grasps Set's hand properly. Firm but calm, no longer clawing or digging in his fingertips. Simply asking for the final push to put him where he belongs. ]
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But that's not to say some part of him doesn't ache for it.
Gen looks at Set in silence for a moment and wonders what those tears are for -- if they really are for him, like he wants to guess. He wonders if he's special at all, or if Set would extend this same invitation to anyone else just as volatile. He wonders if it would have made a difference, if Set had offered him that shelter just a little earlier, before this entire scenario chipped away at what remained of his endurance. As much as he knows, he knows the answer to all those question would have been 'no' ...
a part of him wants to believe in another place, at another time, Set could have dragged a 'yes' out of at least one of them. The blinding sunlight and endless, heady expanses of sand in the landscape of Set's mind call to him. Maybe he could have buried himself in them, were circumstances just a little different. ]
... you can wait all you want. But I won't ever be there. [ It's a testament to Set's allure that Gen's answer is frank instead of dismissive. No 'fuck off' or 'as if,' just a low exhale, not quite a wry laugh, before he dips his gaze once more. A drop of Set's blood's flecked red on the side of his thumb and he rubs absently at it, feeling it grit between his fingertips. Too bad it flakes away easily instead of leaving a stain. ] You think I'm as easy as you? Even if you did die for me, it'd mostly be to spite whoever it is you hate -- I'm not interested in being your side piece. And you want me to stay there just for you? Fuck you. Cling to someone else, instead.
[ Someone else might stand a chance, he thinks. Someone else not so rotten to the core might find their home in that shelter Set offers. It's a good offer, after all. He's almost jealous of this hypothetical recipient.
And while the settle of Zenith's chill in Gen's soul grows deeper, firmer, colder, it brings along with it a peace that had been absent before Set had said his peace. Though the core of his being is still built on exhaustion and loneliness, there's some respite to be found in pretending he'd ever stood a chance otherwise. A tiny part of him thanks Set for offering him the chance to be so delusional, and for the first time, he does think that maybe Set's talk of being a god isn't bullshit. Maybe that's why he adds, ]
But if you ever feel like dying in the end, I'll still do that for you. I'll do that much for you, so. You can find me. I'll wait for that.
[ Said as he grasps Set's hand properly. Firm but calm, no longer clawing or digging in his fingertips. Simply asking for the final push to put him where he belongs. ]