( up until this point, his time in kenos has not been about the conflict between Meridian and Zenith (and, in all likelihood, it never would be). it hadn't even been about what his heart's deepest yearning desire was, or what future he wanted to see upon the horizon, or even how he would begin to build towards any of this here, in this new place that he had to call his reality. the reason for that had been because it is hard, to learn to live again. having to do so the first time, rewriting the mental pathways of a human being into those of a demon, had nearly been too much for him — though others had tried, there had never been another mortal who had survived the transition without going mad... well, mad to the point where they were no longer functional, and they had to be discarded (at least makoto's own madness was focused enough to make him rather good at being a demon rather than suffer such a sad and unsatisfying end). based on what he's heard, he must have striven valiantly to adjust in horos, but set to do it a fourth time... he had struggled to find the drive. it's just so difficult to keep trying to build a fortress upon the shoreline, only to have the tide roll in and wash it away. his tenacity is particularly strong, but it isn't infinite.
perhaps he has been balancing on a knife's edge this whole time; if his heart and mind once again couldn't reconcile his return to this sisyphean struggle, it's likely the fix that his soul had found in damaging the interior of his shard until it was just enough to bear wouldn't hold. he would once more dissolve, and it would once again be a mystery whether or not he would pull himself back together... though, if he did, perhaps it would be even less of himself than it had been.
the Iconoclast Oracle had challenged this. perhaps it was well that it should. and set seems to loom over him now as its echo, recasting a pressing demand into exactly what makoto had started to try to come around and see it as: an opportunity. there's something about being held in the war god's hand that reminds him of when he had been young, fresh, and terrified in Hell; J had taken hold of him in much a similar way, giving him just enough information he needed to survive but allowing the harshness of his new home to provide the crucible required to forge him into something strong enough to master it. thinking of this puts steel into his spine. no, he is not that contemptible, mewling creature anymore. he is a full-fledged demon in his own right. in three short years, he had grown powerful enough to earn his initial — not even the demon who had employed him could hold his name in his mouth without beginning to break apart. he had plied the demons' trade so tirelessly and so mercilessly that J's coffers had overflowed like they never had before!
so when he growls in low undertone, ) They won't,( he means it.
even before set relinquishes him, he grows tense at his first offer. ) No, ( is his answer to it, when he is given a chance to give it. the fierce determination he had shown just a moment ago isn't gone, but it falters here. he seems even paler than normal, and he gives a small shake of his head. ) Dissipation isn't an option.
( not one he agrees to, at any rate. he doesn't want to confide to set why that is, but perhaps one day he would find out for himself: the state that makoto's shard is in, already cracked clear through, down the middle, sealed with gold and pock-marked with warping and cloudiness on the interior. his soul has weathered much and more, both here and on horos, to still stand before him now. he... is worried that, should he dissipate once more, he might not be able to pull himself together again.
his offer... he considers it. he still considers returning to Hell, to a stage that J already ruled to play according to his tune, to be a major disadvantage. could set even guarantee him such a boon — would they be granted such a thing before their supposed return? the offer of a war god's blessing is enough to get him interested... though he has to table it for just a moment, giving a single bell-like laugh before fixing set in a dark, capricious stare accompanied by a vulpine smile, ) Now, now. Let's not go recklessly making offers of ourselves that we may live to regret.
( maybe kind of an odd thing for a weird little twink to say, but... perhaps set would come to realize exactly what he meant in saying it, remembering how the demon's eyes glittered for a moment here and realizing that they had done so with a hunger that raked on multiple levels. ) Those would be acceptable conditions, regardless.
( he pauses for a moment, considering. )
...I need time to think. I can't make this decision now. ( at the risk of sounding like he's made no progress here, however, he swiftly amends, ) It's one that I will make, and to the specifications you have described. But... I don't want to later feel as if I chose in haste, neglecting to consider all angles. ( ... ) I can think of no other reason that this body of mine still draws breath but to ensure the destruction of my master. ...If you take personal interest in this quarrel of mine, then... should it be within my power to grant you audience, I shall, in good faith.
( it's going to be a rather messy affair, set... )
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perhaps he has been balancing on a knife's edge this whole time; if his heart and mind once again couldn't reconcile his return to this sisyphean struggle, it's likely the fix that his soul had found in damaging the interior of his shard until it was just enough to bear wouldn't hold. he would once more dissolve, and it would once again be a mystery whether or not he would pull himself back together... though, if he did, perhaps it would be even less of himself than it had been.
the Iconoclast Oracle had challenged this. perhaps it was well that it should. and set seems to loom over him now as its echo, recasting a pressing demand into exactly what makoto had started to try to come around and see it as: an opportunity. there's something about being held in the war god's hand that reminds him of when he had been young, fresh, and terrified in Hell; J had taken hold of him in much a similar way, giving him just enough information he needed to survive but allowing the harshness of his new home to provide the crucible required to forge him into something strong enough to master it. thinking of this puts steel into his spine. no, he is not that contemptible, mewling creature anymore. he is a full-fledged demon in his own right. in three short years, he had grown powerful enough to earn his initial — not even the demon who had employed him could hold his name in his mouth without beginning to break apart. he had plied the demons' trade so tirelessly and so mercilessly that J's coffers had overflowed like they never had before!
so when he growls in low undertone, ) They won't, ( he means it.
even before set relinquishes him, he grows tense at his first offer. ) No, ( is his answer to it, when he is given a chance to give it. the fierce determination he had shown just a moment ago isn't gone, but it falters here. he seems even paler than normal, and he gives a small shake of his head. ) Dissipation isn't an option.
( not one he agrees to, at any rate. he doesn't want to confide to set why that is, but perhaps one day he would find out for himself: the state that makoto's shard is in, already cracked clear through, down the middle, sealed with gold and pock-marked with warping and cloudiness on the interior. his soul has weathered much and more, both here and on horos, to still stand before him now. he... is worried that, should he dissipate once more, he might not be able to pull himself together again.
his offer... he considers it. he still considers returning to Hell, to a stage that J already ruled to play according to his tune, to be a major disadvantage. could set even guarantee him such a boon — would they be granted such a thing before their supposed return? the offer of a war god's blessing is enough to get him interested... though he has to table it for just a moment, giving a single bell-like laugh before fixing set in a dark, capricious stare accompanied by a vulpine smile, ) Now, now. Let's not go recklessly making offers of ourselves that we may live to regret.
( maybe kind of an odd thing for a weird little twink to say, but... perhaps set would come to realize exactly what he meant in saying it, remembering how the demon's eyes glittered for a moment here and realizing that they had done so with a hunger that raked on multiple levels. ) Those would be acceptable conditions, regardless.
( he pauses for a moment, considering. )
...I need time to think. I can't make this decision now. ( at the risk of sounding like he's made no progress here, however, he swiftly amends, ) It's one that I will make, and to the specifications you have described. But... I don't want to later feel as if I chose in haste, neglecting to consider all angles. ( ... ) I can think of no other reason that this body of mine still draws breath but to ensure the destruction of my master. ...If you take personal interest in this quarrel of mine, then... should it be within my power to grant you audience, I shall, in good faith.
( it's going to be a rather messy affair, set... )