[ even now – in a situation that cannot possibly get any worse, when she is already so certain she's going to die here – Rudbeckia can't bring herself to explain. while she usually skips ahead to accepting her punishment just to minimise the pain, knowing that she'll only suffer more if she's accused of lying or making excuses, that isn't what holds her tongue in place. she simply doesn't have the strength to cut herself open, to offer what honesty she can spare, only to have it disregarded as unimportant.
how could she possibly explain it? I really didn't mean to. there's no way anyone would believe her, even though it's the truth. I'm tired. they'll tell her to stop complaining, that she's not the only one who has it hard. I don't want to be afraid of that place anymore. she's nothing but a selfish coward, ruining the hope for everyone else. and so what if she is? why is it her responsibility? she didn't ask for any of this; she doesn't want it. she's tired of everyone being so hostile towards her for a meaningless ideal that she couldn't care less about.
despair rises in the Communion like a flooding room with no cracks to escape through, and Ruby makes no effort to stay afloat. it's a thick, bitter taste. ]
I just... gave up. I'm sorry.
[ that doesn't mean she wants to die like this. her body language and intentions both portray a prey animal preparing to run. ]
no subject
[ even now – in a situation that cannot possibly get any worse, when she is already so certain she's going to die here – Rudbeckia can't bring herself to explain. while she usually skips ahead to accepting her punishment just to minimise the pain, knowing that she'll only suffer more if she's accused of lying or making excuses, that isn't what holds her tongue in place. she simply doesn't have the strength to cut herself open, to offer what honesty she can spare, only to have it disregarded as unimportant.
how could she possibly explain it? I really didn't mean to. there's no way anyone would believe her, even though it's the truth. I'm tired. they'll tell her to stop complaining, that she's not the only one who has it hard. I don't want to be afraid of that place anymore. she's nothing but a selfish coward, ruining the hope for everyone else. and so what if she is? why is it her responsibility? she didn't ask for any of this; she doesn't want it. she's tired of everyone being so hostile towards her for a meaningless ideal that she couldn't care less about.
despair rises in the Communion like a flooding room with no cracks to escape through, and Ruby makes no effort to stay afloat. it's a thick, bitter taste. ]
I just... gave up. I'm sorry.
[ that doesn't mean she wants to die like this. her body language and intentions both portray a prey animal preparing to run. ]