it is so much, to be known and not blamed. and yet it doesn't even come to him to blame set for what was seen. what should he condemn? that someone hurt this god and violated him in a horrific way? no. what should he condemn? that set loves a child, that this child loves him in turn, so much as to fight his own nature, a whole faction, for him? no. what should he condemn? sins long past, atrocities committed, choices looked upon with shame? is cassian any better than him in this regard? can he really not understand doubt, self-recrimination, wearing a mask as and when it's needed?
what should he condemn, then?
he breathes out, slow. and in his mind, he holds that answer as a fragile, precious thing. whatever becomes of us, i feel i will always think that of you. it is not a small sentiment. it is not a thing that is easily forgotten. it isn't even easily heard, easily held. and with the cool waters of zenith closing over his head, filling his lungs, he starts to feel the magnitude of whatever. choices made in necessity are as inescapable as any other. he knows that as well as he knows his own name.
he opens his eyes, and he lets his hand fall from set's shoulder, as the god begins to pull away from him. ]
Don't let it get this bad again, if you want to keep your promise.
[ is such a cold response, on its face, to that assurance. isn't it? and yet there's no possibility of it being taken so: not with the genuine flush of concern that accompanies what he says. not even jyn knows that he was a caretaker for much of his life before the rebellion; but if he had anyone left to return to — and set does. paradoxical to the alignment he's chosen, he wants set to keep his promise. ]
no subject
it is so much, to be known and not blamed. and yet it doesn't even come to him to blame set for what was seen. what should he condemn? that someone hurt this god and violated him in a horrific way? no. what should he condemn? that set loves a child, that this child loves him in turn, so much as to fight his own nature, a whole faction, for him? no. what should he condemn? sins long past, atrocities committed, choices looked upon with shame? is cassian any better than him in this regard? can he really not understand doubt, self-recrimination, wearing a mask as and when it's needed?
what should he condemn, then?
he breathes out, slow. and in his mind, he holds that answer as a fragile, precious thing. whatever becomes of us, i feel i will always think that of you. it is not a small sentiment. it is not a thing that is easily forgotten. it isn't even easily heard, easily held. and with the cool waters of zenith closing over his head, filling his lungs, he starts to feel the magnitude of whatever. choices made in necessity are as inescapable as any other. he knows that as well as he knows his own name.
he opens his eyes, and he lets his hand fall from set's shoulder, as the god begins to pull away from him. ]
Don't let it get this bad again, if you want to keep your promise.
[ is such a cold response, on its face, to that assurance. isn't it? and yet there's no possibility of it being taken so: not with the genuine flush of concern that accompanies what he says. not even jyn knows that he was a caretaker for much of his life before the rebellion; but if he had anyone left to return to — and set does. paradoxical to the alignment he's chosen, he wants set to keep his promise. ]