All her life she has never allowed herself to rely on anyone. Even the half-brother who looked enough like their dam to look like her... she had spurned his aid and his affection for fear it would be seen as weakness. As a mare she had needed to be twice as cold, twice as strong, and twice as loyal as any stallion to earn any respect or prestige in the breeding stables... and any hint of receiving help or attention from another, particularly a man, invited only vindication that she was as weak as her sex was meant to be. She had striven to be a warrior in order not to be sold as a broodmare or a mount, and so she had never allowed herself to falter. She had made herself into a woman who could even deceive herself to thinking she preferred it that way.
But the taste of welcome she had received in that hidden village in the mountains, where she had gone from prisoner of war to something more... it had put cracks into everything she'd forced herself to believe... and then it had all been ripped from her when she'd been brought to Horos before she could even think on what it all meant. Before she could understand what it was to be a friend or a lover.
And now she's standing in a dirty tunnel in the dark clutching a golden, crescent-shaped shard that tells her beyond a doubt that the words Claude is saying are true. She's holding his godsdamned soul in her hand, and if there was an ounce of insincerity in him she would sense it... but she doesn't. Instead... it is affection in her hands, offering warmth an comfort if she'd just take it. But how-]
Why?
[He'd listed reasons, but she still can't understand it. It seemed like so much that she did for her personal honor or even for the sake of Meridian only served to alienate her further and further from the others, so why- ? Her fingers curl tightly around the shard in her hand, fighting the urge to throw it away from her in fear of the emotions that well up uncontrollably from where the gem touches her skin. She has two other shards on her person, and he doesn't even now. If he did, he wouldn't be saying these things, he'd be condemning her like she's sure the others will, but she has to do it because someone has to do it, and-
Something wet glistens at the bottom edge of the leather patch she wears over her left eye, the same one she had stabbed out of the demon under the watchful eyes of the Iconoclast effigy. The tears form more properly in her remaining one, beading shameful and hot in the corner and on her lashes, threatening to disgrace her by overflowing.]
What is wrong with you... ?
[It's the only answer that makes sense. Her brother, Matsukaze... she'd ruined everything for anyone who dared to care for her, and now this man-]
no subject
All her life she has never allowed herself to rely on anyone. Even the half-brother who looked enough like their dam to look like her... she had spurned his aid and his affection for fear it would be seen as weakness. As a mare she had needed to be twice as cold, twice as strong, and twice as loyal as any stallion to earn any respect or prestige in the breeding stables... and any hint of receiving help or attention from another, particularly a man, invited only vindication that she was as weak as her sex was meant to be. She had striven to be a warrior in order not to be sold as a broodmare or a mount, and so she had never allowed herself to falter. She had made herself into a woman who could even deceive herself to thinking she preferred it that way.
But the taste of welcome she had received in that hidden village in the mountains, where she had gone from prisoner of war to something more... it had put cracks into everything she'd forced herself to believe... and then it had all been ripped from her when she'd been brought to Horos before she could even think on what it all meant. Before she could understand what it was to be a friend or a lover.
And now she's standing in a dirty tunnel in the dark clutching a golden, crescent-shaped shard that tells her beyond a doubt that the words Claude is saying are true. She's holding his godsdamned soul in her hand, and if there was an ounce of insincerity in him she would sense it... but she doesn't. Instead... it is affection in her hands, offering warmth an comfort if she'd just take it. But how-]
Why?
[He'd listed reasons, but she still can't understand it. It seemed like so much that she did for her personal honor or even for the sake of Meridian only served to alienate her further and further from the others, so why- ? Her fingers curl tightly around the shard in her hand, fighting the urge to throw it away from her in fear of the emotions that well up uncontrollably from where the gem touches her skin. She has two other shards on her person, and he doesn't even now. If he did, he wouldn't be saying these things, he'd be condemning her like she's sure the others will, but she has to do it because someone has to do it, and-
Something wet glistens at the bottom edge of the leather patch she wears over her left eye, the same one she had stabbed out of the demon under the watchful eyes of the Iconoclast effigy. The tears form more properly in her remaining one, beading shameful and hot in the corner and on her lashes, threatening to disgrace her by overflowing.]
What is wrong with you... ?
[It's the only answer that makes sense. Her brother, Matsukaze... she'd ruined everything for anyone who dared to care for her, and now this man-]