( these past few weeks have been a trial for john even before the visions he'd been given while semi-consciousness in his dissipation had come true, taking the form of the empty, blasted cities they had wandered through before being drawn into this tomb. he's scarcely had time to recover from death, and now... though the Meridian certainly might not understand how or why, that sense of questioning finality and of hope is like salt rubbed into unhealing wounds. john wants to be rid of it just as much as dimitri wishes to be rid of what Zenith leeches into his soul, but he doesn't want to be hasty or foolish in his trades.
he also certainly doesn't want to be physical about them.
he gives the tall, younger man a severe stare before breathing out a sigh. he doesn't want to deny him, especially if he is strong in his choice. but, as is john's wont, he's never much one for giving something away for free. even if it's information — even if it's a story — it's simply not in his nature to do so. )
Take some deep breaths - try to calm down. I'm willing to help you. But — ( some of the harshness fades from his gaze; it's just as deep, just as hungry, but it's bizarrely tempered by the humanity that still remains in him, made soft despite its endless curiosity. his voice drops to a lower decibel, trying to keep the conversation between just them, ) You've told me a lot about your worst experiences of your world... Why is it that you need to go back so desperately?
( one could easily read his question as insidious, if they wanted to. for a man who literally needs to collect the worst fears of others in order to survive, it's understandable to be wary of someone who would demand so much that was so closely personal to others (particularly those they were technically enemies with). but his intention as it is now is pure in that it's exactly what it has been for jonathan sims all along: I just want to know. it's embedded within his psyche that a more complete knowledge of something, of avoiding ignorance or confusion at all costs, will help or shield him in the future.
even if that proclivity has only ever made him into exactly what he is now. )
no subject
( these past few weeks have been a trial for john even before the visions he'd been given while semi-consciousness in his dissipation had come true, taking the form of the empty, blasted cities they had wandered through before being drawn into this tomb. he's scarcely had time to recover from death, and now... though the Meridian certainly might not understand how or why, that sense of questioning finality and of hope is like salt rubbed into unhealing wounds. john wants to be rid of it just as much as dimitri wishes to be rid of what Zenith leeches into his soul, but he doesn't want to be hasty or foolish in his trades.
he also certainly doesn't want to be physical about them.
he gives the tall, younger man a severe stare before breathing out a sigh. he doesn't want to deny him, especially if he is strong in his choice. but, as is john's wont, he's never much one for giving something away for free. even if it's information — even if it's a story — it's simply not in his nature to do so. )
Take some deep breaths - try to calm down. I'm willing to help you. But — ( some of the harshness fades from his gaze; it's just as deep, just as hungry, but it's bizarrely tempered by the humanity that still remains in him, made soft despite its endless curiosity. his voice drops to a lower decibel, trying to keep the conversation between just them, ) You've told me a lot about your worst experiences of your world... Why is it that you need to go back so desperately?
( one could easily read his question as insidious, if they wanted to. for a man who literally needs to collect the worst fears of others in order to survive, it's understandable to be wary of someone who would demand so much that was so closely personal to others (particularly those they were technically enemies with). but his intention as it is now is pure in that it's exactly what it has been for jonathan sims all along: I just want to know. it's embedded within his psyche that a more complete knowledge of something, of avoiding ignorance or confusion at all costs, will help or shield him in the future.
even if that proclivity has only ever made him into exactly what he is now. )