[ throughout the period trapped within the root caverns, the influence that bleeds from Rudbeckia via Communion is one of hopelessness, despair, and a fear that is breathless in its intensity – as well as a more targeted focus on the terror of home. while many Meridians are being made to fear that they can never return, and the Zenites doubt the viability of their new world to be made, the paranoid insecurity that eats ravenously through Ruby's thoughts is: what if they're wrong, and a Meridian victory results in her being sent to her home whether she wants to go or not? ]
A ➢ ALL THE THINGS THAT I RAN FROM
[ miserable as it is, packed into close quarters, their surroundings dark and damp, senses clouded with the smell of rot—there is also a certain safety in this. Rudbeckia has no need to fear that she will be harmed with so many eyes upon them, nor is there any pressure to make herself useful when they have all been rendered equally ineffectual. her only concern is that she will be exposed through the near-hivemind level of communication they're experiencing, and she has to decide whether to cling to her individuality or throw herself into the thoughts of others to hide.
on the face of things, Ruby is plainly anxious but makes good company of herself to pass the time down here. she's kind and gentle to both Meridian and Zenith alike, willing to engage in conversation anyone who doesn't seem to indicate they want her gone. ]
We should keep our spirits up. [ her smile is wan, worn down by exhaustion and hunger; more than anything, this cheer is not reflected in the Communion space at all. instead, there is a heavy sense of dread and a crawling anxiety that invades you. ] You know, we made it through the last Oracle!
[ after a pause, she tries again, tentative: ] A-At least we're out of the sun...?
B ➢ MY MONTAGE OF LOST THINGS (POSSIBLE CW: SUICIDE)
[ there are rudbeckia flowers growing through her hair, soft young vines entwined around her arms and throat, petals emerging like downy feathers along her neck and jawline. Ruby has little room to be afraid of these changes, though, with her sister's voice so warm and soothing in her ear: Hey █████, are you really going to run away? You miss me. I miss you, too. Isn't there a chance you could see me again? Maybe we could go together to a new world entirely— ]
It wouldn't matter. [ it's muffled, spoken into the fabric of her skirts, her legs folded up to her chest and face buried in her knees. ] As if my life would be any different in a new world...
[ the feeling of despair has intensified to something almost like a black hole in the Communion space. ]
C ➢ MY SHINING TRINKETS OF GRIEF (CW: ABUSE)
[ Come here, Ruby.
as the Zenith influence sinks deeper into her blood, Rudbeckia's transformation has taken on a more wild appearance. her long hair is overgrown with coneflowers, and petals flutter to the ground with every movement she makes; the vines encircling her wrists and throat have turned hard and dark and thorny, gripping at her like claws. by this stage, she can be found huddled in corners or hidden within tunnels, and seeing her curled up as small as she can possibly be, it almost looks as though the Tree is consuming her. once again, this is the least of her concerns, her senses narrowed down to the soft voice in her ear:
You need to learn your lesson. ]
I'm sorry. [ she sobs into the dirt, moss beneath her fingernails. ] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
[ they're only memories, she knows that. but the pain is so easy to remember. just from hearing his voice so vividly, Rudbeckia can feel Cesare's hands on her face, the ache of her scalp, white-hot lines burning across her back. her fear has reached a fever-pitch, almost to the point of mania: she cannot be sent home. she can't, she absolutely can't. if she can't trust that Meridian will give her that choice—if Zenith is the better guarantee, if she has to burn it all to the ground just to make certain there isn't any Romagna to return to—
(there was a dream she had, once. a wretched, unforgiveable witch – a woman very much like herself – overlooking a city in flames, hysterical with laughter. Every day I dreamt of this shitty place turning into a sea of blood, and somehow you've granted me my wish!)
the effect on the Shard-Bearers' mass Communion is maddening, so it wouldn't be a surprise if someone was trying to find the source of animal fear that is poisoning the well. overcome by her hallucinations, Rudbeckia won't hear anyone approaching at first; if she's spoken to, she whirls around with a choked gasp, or screams if touched instead. either way, the look in her eyes is wild. ]
—I'm sorry!
II. THE PURGE – EARLY;
A ➢ WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CALL?
[ once the motivation to act drops upon them all, Rudbeckia's fleeting sense of safety evaporates in an instant. the bodies around her are no longer witnesses to keep each other in check; now, every single one of them has the potential to turn against her in violence for failing to meet their standards. and she will fail. if this is a test of their convictions, then she has no hope of passing.
still, while she feels no compulsion to act and prove herself, she also has no intention of deliberately branding herself a traitor. it's the Meridian she gravitates towards, hiding in their shadows while they take the initiative. while moving alone, if she runs across another Meridian unexpectedly, she's quick to yelp: ]
I'm still Meridian! I haven't been able to get rid of this [ by which she means the Zenith energy ] yet, but I'm still... I-I'm not going to leave.
[ unfortunately, her lack of confidence is apparent by Communion. ]
B ➢ OPEN MY MOUTH, YES I'LL TAKE IT ALL
[ the Zenith may kill her in order to secure their victory by numbers – yes, that is certainly one fear. it's a fear that she's very well-accustomed to. what is strange and new to Rudbeckia is the fear of their influence. despair is not something she's able to resist, and while she means to rejoin the Meridian for the sake of her own safety, she knows with perfect clarity that not one of them would be able to convince her to do so. engaging with any Zenite may very well ruin everything for her.
that isn't something she can hide from them, either. as soon as Ruby encounters a member of Zenith, as well as strangers and the Unharmonised, she is afraid of them and her reasons for feeling that way ring clear across the bridge of Communion. she knows that Zenith is where she "should" belong. ]
Um, i-if you're looking to trade...
III. THE PURGE – LATE;
A ➢ ALL THIS WORK GONE TO WASTE
[ she fucked it up, of course. how could anyone have expected her to do any better? she's a miserable coward, and it's so much easier to just give up. Rudbeckia has endured, and endured, and endured—she is tired. this is how she remembers feeling towards the end of her first life; that if it could all be over, if she could just rest...
but the poaching is still ongoing, and now she's on the wrong side. there isn't any doubt in her mind that if a Meri finds out she's betrayed them, even if by weakness rather than malice, they will kill her on the spot. so regardless of what previous interactions she's had with someone, no matter how friendly they've made themselves in the past, the second that Ruby encounters someone she knows to be (maybe formerly?) Meridian-aligned—
she turns and runs. ]
B ➢ YOU MADE ME CLIMB THEN YOU SHUT THE GATE
[ just for the next few days, there is nowhere safer for her to be than with a Zenite. once this all passes, she can't possibly rely on their protection; she'll be just as useless to them as she has been to the Meridian, if not more so, and they'll surely be wary of any sudden newcomers. but until this trial ends, she is a point towards their victory for as long as she stays alive.
Rudbeckia has largely avoided Zenith as much as possible ever since she chose Meridian, so there isn't much information she has to help her make a decision on who she should stay beside, and she can't afford to be picky. anyone she can confirm as a Zenite (or will-be-Zenite) she will greet with a deep curtsey and an assurance: ]
I promise I won't bother you. Um, if I could just accompany you for now...
IV. WILDCARD;
( plotting comment. you're welcome to hit me up with anything that doesn't fall under the above prompts, or let me know if you want me to write up a specific starter for anything else! you can contact me via the plotting meme, on phaseblast, or via discord at isa#2727 for whatever you desire!! )
rudbeckia de borgia • meridian ⭬ zenith • stargazer
[ miserable as it is, packed into close quarters, their surroundings dark and damp, senses clouded with the smell of rot—there is also a certain safety in this. Rudbeckia has no need to fear that she will be harmed with so many eyes upon them, nor is there any pressure to make herself useful when they have all been rendered equally ineffectual. her only concern is that she will be exposed through the near-hivemind level of communication they're experiencing, and she has to decide whether to cling to her individuality or throw herself into the thoughts of others to hide.
on the face of things, Ruby is plainly anxious but makes good company of herself to pass the time down here. she's kind and gentle to both Meridian and Zenith alike, willing to engage in conversation anyone who doesn't seem to indicate they want her gone. ]
We should keep our spirits up. [ her smile is wan, worn down by exhaustion and hunger; more than anything, this cheer is not reflected in the Communion space at all. instead, there is a heavy sense of dread and a crawling anxiety that invades you. ] You know, we made it through the last Oracle!
[ after a pause, she tries again, tentative: ] A-At least we're out of the sun...?
[ there are rudbeckia flowers growing through her hair, soft young vines entwined around her arms and throat, petals emerging like downy feathers along her neck and jawline. Ruby has little room to be afraid of these changes, though, with her sister's voice so warm and soothing in her ear: Hey █████, are you really going to run away? You miss me. I miss you, too. Isn't there a chance you could see me again? Maybe we could go together to a new world entirely— ]
It wouldn't matter. [ it's muffled, spoken into the fabric of her skirts, her legs folded up to her chest and face buried in her knees. ] As if my life would be any different in a new world...
[ the feeling of despair has intensified to something almost like a black hole in the Communion space. ]
[ Come here, Ruby.
as the Zenith influence sinks deeper into her blood, Rudbeckia's transformation has taken on a more wild appearance. her long hair is overgrown with coneflowers, and petals flutter to the ground with every movement she makes; the vines encircling her wrists and throat have turned hard and dark and thorny, gripping at her like claws. by this stage, she can be found huddled in corners or hidden within tunnels, and seeing her curled up as small as she can possibly be, it almost looks as though the Tree is consuming her. once again, this is the least of her concerns, her senses narrowed down to the soft voice in her ear:
You need to learn your lesson. ]
I'm sorry. [ she sobs into the dirt, moss beneath her fingernails. ] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
[ they're only memories, she knows that. but the pain is so easy to remember. just from hearing his voice so vividly, Rudbeckia can feel Cesare's hands on her face, the ache of her scalp, white-hot lines burning across her back. her fear has reached a fever-pitch, almost to the point of mania: she cannot be sent home. she can't, she absolutely can't. if she can't trust that Meridian will give her that choice—if Zenith is the better guarantee, if she has to burn it all to the ground just to make certain there isn't any Romagna to return to—
(there was a dream she had, once. a wretched, unforgiveable witch – a woman very much like herself – overlooking a city in flames, hysterical with laughter. Every day I dreamt of this shitty place turning into a sea of blood, and somehow you've granted me my wish!)
the effect on the Shard-Bearers' mass Communion is maddening, so it wouldn't be a surprise if someone was trying to find the source of animal fear that is poisoning the well. overcome by her hallucinations, Rudbeckia won't hear anyone approaching at first; if she's spoken to, she whirls around with a choked gasp, or screams if touched instead. either way, the look in her eyes is wild. ]
—I'm sorry!
[ once the motivation to act drops upon them all, Rudbeckia's fleeting sense of safety evaporates in an instant. the bodies around her are no longer witnesses to keep each other in check; now, every single one of them has the potential to turn against her in violence for failing to meet their standards. and she will fail. if this is a test of their convictions, then she has no hope of passing.
still, while she feels no compulsion to act and prove herself, she also has no intention of deliberately branding herself a traitor. it's the Meridian she gravitates towards, hiding in their shadows while they take the initiative. while moving alone, if she runs across another Meridian unexpectedly, she's quick to yelp: ]
I'm still Meridian! I haven't been able to get rid of this [ by which she means the Zenith energy ] yet, but I'm still... I-I'm not going to leave.
[ unfortunately, her lack of confidence is apparent by Communion. ]
[ the Zenith may kill her in order to secure their victory by numbers – yes, that is certainly one fear. it's a fear that she's very well-accustomed to. what is strange and new to Rudbeckia is the fear of their influence. despair is not something she's able to resist, and while she means to rejoin the Meridian for the sake of her own safety, she knows with perfect clarity that not one of them would be able to convince her to do so. engaging with any Zenite may very well ruin everything for her.
that isn't something she can hide from them, either. as soon as Ruby encounters a member of Zenith, as well as strangers and the Unharmonised, she is afraid of them and her reasons for feeling that way ring clear across the bridge of Communion. she knows that Zenith is where she "should" belong. ]
Um, i-if you're looking to trade...
[ she fucked it up, of course. how could anyone have expected her to do any better? she's a miserable coward, and it's so much easier to just give up. Rudbeckia has endured, and endured, and endured—she is tired. this is how she remembers feeling towards the end of her first life; that if it could all be over, if she could just rest...
but the poaching is still ongoing, and now she's on the wrong side. there isn't any doubt in her mind that if a Meri finds out she's betrayed them, even if by weakness rather than malice, they will kill her on the spot. so regardless of what previous interactions she's had with someone, no matter how friendly they've made themselves in the past, the second that Ruby encounters someone she knows to be (maybe formerly?) Meridian-aligned—
she turns and runs. ]
[ just for the next few days, there is nowhere safer for her to be than with a Zenite. once this all passes, she can't possibly rely on their protection; she'll be just as useless to them as she has been to the Meridian, if not more so, and they'll surely be wary of any sudden newcomers. but until this trial ends, she is a point towards their victory for as long as she stays alive.
Rudbeckia has largely avoided Zenith as much as possible ever since she chose Meridian, so there isn't much information she has to help her make a decision on who she should stay beside, and she can't afford to be picky. anyone she can confirm as a Zenite (or will-be-Zenite) she will greet with a deep curtsey and an assurance: ]
I promise I won't bother you. Um, if I could just accompany you for now...