[ There is a flutter at the notion that his death — a hypothetical permanent one that has yet to come to pass — would matter. Something shaky, uncertain, surprised; a too-sudden exhale, the sensation of feeling someone else's heart skip a beat, jitter. Odd, and out of place, and maybe not bad, but...
Not real. All hypotheticals. So everything smooths out, because it still doesn't really matter. And maybe the only times any of his deaths have mattered were when he hurt Gen, Misa, Kaeya, but nothing more.
They have more important shit to see to now, anyway. For as much as Amos won't shy away from comfort, it still feels too raw to do much of anything other than curl up into a ball and rest his head on someone's lap, let them stroke his hair and physically sooth him, and Gen is... not the person he would be seeking that from. No; with him it's easier to turn his focus to him. Because he may not be a kid anymore, but he went through some shit when he was one that left him damaged, stunted, and Amos knows exactly what that's like. Knows it's his job to help someone there. Wants to, maybe more than anything else.
He doesn't take his eyes off of him. Doesn't move his hand. Just waits, and listens, and it's... a different kind of hollow. Two ships passing in the night on what they missed out on, shattered in different ways.
Maybe together they could make a whole person. Oh well. ]
Where do you think you'd be happier? [ His voice is soft; his thumb is tracing light circles on Gen's knee. ] Fuck the expectations or what people want from you, me included. Where would you feel most right? Because that's where you should go. Drop everything else and just go there, because nobody's ever gonna look out for you as much as you are for yourself.
[ He falls silent, thumb still circling. Because for as much as he could profess altruism here, there's still that selfish component to his words, his actions. They're both Exalts, so Gen probably gets it. That need to be with your people, to look out for them, to protect them. They have this moment to themselves right now, sure, but that's all it is: a moment. It isn't anything longer term the way it would be if they were on the same side, in the same city, working towards the same thing, and there is a longing for that again. Because as shit as where they came from was, it did bring them together, and keep them together, and if Amos' death would have mattered then that has to have meant something, too.
His thumb slows. Stops. ]
And if it happens to be with me, you know I'll have your back. Nothing else'll matter.
[ And if it isn't with Amos, with Zenith, with Yima, then he... doesn't want to think about it.
But he knows Gen, he's pretty sure. So it should all work out, one way or another. ]
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Not real. All hypotheticals. So everything smooths out, because it still doesn't really matter. And maybe the only times any of his deaths have mattered were when he hurt Gen, Misa, Kaeya, but nothing more.
They have more important shit to see to now, anyway. For as much as Amos won't shy away from comfort, it still feels too raw to do much of anything other than curl up into a ball and rest his head on someone's lap, let them stroke his hair and physically sooth him, and Gen is... not the person he would be seeking that from. No; with him it's easier to turn his focus to him. Because he may not be a kid anymore, but he went through some shit when he was one that left him damaged, stunted, and Amos knows exactly what that's like. Knows it's his job to help someone there. Wants to, maybe more than anything else.
He doesn't take his eyes off of him. Doesn't move his hand. Just waits, and listens, and it's... a different kind of hollow. Two ships passing in the night on what they missed out on, shattered in different ways.
Maybe together they could make a whole person. Oh well. ]
Where do you think you'd be happier? [ His voice is soft; his thumb is tracing light circles on Gen's knee. ] Fuck the expectations or what people want from you, me included. Where would you feel most right? Because that's where you should go. Drop everything else and just go there, because nobody's ever gonna look out for you as much as you are for yourself.
[ He falls silent, thumb still circling. Because for as much as he could profess altruism here, there's still that selfish component to his words, his actions. They're both Exalts, so Gen probably gets it. That need to be with your people, to look out for them, to protect them. They have this moment to themselves right now, sure, but that's all it is: a moment. It isn't anything longer term the way it would be if they were on the same side, in the same city, working towards the same thing, and there is a longing for that again. Because as shit as where they came from was, it did bring them together, and keep them together, and if Amos' death would have mattered then that has to have meant something, too.
His thumb slows. Stops. ]
And if it happens to be with me, you know I'll have your back. Nothing else'll matter.
[ And if it isn't with Amos, with Zenith, with Yima, then he... doesn't want to think about it.
But he knows Gen, he's pretty sure. So it should all work out, one way or another. ]