[ a curious part of him wonders how it must look to an outsider. someone without all the backstory and therefore none of the judgement. an awful little thought he knows he's only having because, standing here, he feels the loss acutely. they were all gone, all his fingers and his gestures. forever. for all his anger and the bitter betrayal, he aches to know he will never even have a chance to mourn them. there would be no bodies and no funerals, and no eulogies. the sudden weight of it all is oppressive, and john rubs idly at the Shard in his chest as if it might ease the pressure and the warmth in it.
john had managed to stave off one apocalypse just for another to happen anyway, and then he ended up in kenos. he'd barely thought of it since then, given everything else he had on his mind. it takes him too long to realise he's drifted so severely that he hadn't registered akua's words and even longer to remember that he can't filter anything out.
he smiles, his expression and the evenness of his voice settling in with perfect muscle memory. it might be believable if it hadn't been for the rest betraying it as the well-rehearsed mask it is. ]
You should dole out whatever punishment you see fit. I wouldn't ask you to go easy on me.
[ he proceeds forward — better to avoid eye contact — leading the way toward where he assumes they will find their goal with a sense of dread he is making an effort to will away. he sounds like he's joking, and there is a not-insignificant part of him that isn't, but by now, that's probably at least somewhat evident. he doesn't need to wonder if she's perceptive. ]
no subject
[ a curious part of him wonders how it must look to an outsider. someone without all the backstory and therefore none of the judgement. an awful little thought he knows he's only having because, standing here, he feels the loss acutely. they were all gone, all his fingers and his gestures. forever. for all his anger and the bitter betrayal, he aches to know he will never even have a chance to mourn them. there would be no bodies and no funerals, and no eulogies. the sudden weight of it all is oppressive, and john rubs idly at the Shard in his chest as if it might ease the pressure and the warmth in it.
john had managed to stave off one apocalypse just for another to happen anyway, and then he ended up in kenos. he'd barely thought of it since then, given everything else he had on his mind. it takes him too long to realise he's drifted so severely that he hadn't registered akua's words and even longer to remember that he can't filter anything out.
he smiles, his expression and the evenness of his voice settling in with perfect muscle memory. it might be believable if it hadn't been for the rest betraying it as the well-rehearsed mask it is. ]
You should dole out whatever punishment you see fit. I wouldn't ask you to go easy on me.
[ he proceeds forward — better to avoid eye contact — leading the way toward where he assumes they will find their goal with a sense of dread he is making an effort to will away. he sounds like he's joking, and there is a not-insignificant part of him that isn't, but by now, that's probably at least somewhat evident. he doesn't need to wonder if she's perceptive. ]