[ That's what gets him to look up and meet the child's eyes once more, face pale and shoulders tense. Because he gets it, he truly does. 'She isn't strong enough to do that,' the younger version of Amos says, and Gen's thoughts are ripped back to a dark closet and stifling heat, the sound of screams muffled past a closet door as an older female voice whispers right in his ear, trembling and teary: 'I'm sorry, Gen. I'm not strong enough to do anything.' An image vivid enough that maybe even Amos will see it in that tense moment before Gen gives a stiff nod, ducking his head once more. ]
... yeah, okay.
[ He doesn't know this 'Lydia'. Somewhere at the very back of his mind, he knows that what he's hearing doesn't feel right -- that no caretaker should simply accept their young charge being hurt, no matter how weak they might be. Isn't that the duty of an adult? To protect their children? -- but at the same time ... 'Lydia' isn't Yuko. And maybe she had simply been weak. And if that's the case, then.
Then it's only fair that someone like him do the killing instead, right?
If Amos had had someone to help him back at this age, even someone like him, only capable of offering that kind of help, then he might have turned out differently.
The thought comes dangerously close to sending him spiraling into a dark maelstrom of emotions, prickles of disgust and anger and indignity crackling hot at the friges of his mind, and it's only the touch to his knee that snaps him back to reality. He'd been breathing harder without even realizing it, jaw clenched and expression hardened, but seeing that look on Amos' face helps ground him once more.
Right. There's no people to kill here, and what that younger version of Amos is talking about is all in the past, right? So he just has to say what feels right, is all. It's not like he actually has to protect Amos. (He knows that all on a rational level. But ... why does it feel so hard to accept that?) ]
You're right. [ He swallows thickly once more, but the tension does slowly drain from his shoulders, his voice flat once more. And while Gen returns to staring at the pavement, he slowly loosens the death-grip he'd held at the fabric at his knees, instead letting his hands drop into his lap. ] If anyone tried -- ... tries to hurt you, I'll kill'em. However many there are. ... I'd want you to be safe.
[ He wants Amos to be safe. He's been through enough. ]
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... yeah, okay.
[ He doesn't know this 'Lydia'. Somewhere at the very back of his mind, he knows that what he's hearing doesn't feel right -- that no caretaker should simply accept their young charge being hurt, no matter how weak they might be. Isn't that the duty of an adult? To protect their children? -- but at the same time ... 'Lydia' isn't Yuko. And maybe she had simply been weak. And if that's the case, then.
Then it's only fair that someone like him do the killing instead, right?
If Amos had had someone to help him back at this age, even someone like him, only capable of offering that kind of help, then he might have turned out differently.
The thought comes dangerously close to sending him spiraling into a dark maelstrom of emotions, prickles of disgust and anger and indignity crackling hot at the friges of his mind, and it's only the touch to his knee that snaps him back to reality. He'd been breathing harder without even realizing it, jaw clenched and expression hardened, but seeing that look on Amos' face helps ground him once more.
Right. There's no people to kill here, and what that younger version of Amos is talking about is all in the past, right? So he just has to say what feels right, is all. It's not like he actually has to protect Amos. (He knows that all on a rational level. But ... why does it feel so hard to accept that?) ]
You're right. [ He swallows thickly once more, but the tension does slowly drain from his shoulders, his voice flat once more. And while Gen returns to staring at the pavement, he slowly loosens the death-grip he'd held at the fabric at his knees, instead letting his hands drop into his lap. ] If anyone tried -- ... tries to hurt you, I'll kill'em. However many there are. ... I'd want you to be safe.
[ He wants Amos to be safe. He's been through enough. ]