[ How stupid he had been to act like everything was fine, only for a tipping point to come as fast and easily as this one. He'd only wanted to remove himself from the equation to lessen what he is, what he's done. How could they do this for him? How do they not... hate him as much as he hates himself? If only they would. It would make it easier to understand.
But nearly twenty-two thousand years of solitude erodes the mind, and while Dokja had been kept from insanity thanks to the Fourth Wall back then, he doesn't have anything as convenient here.
So he trembles, fingers curling in his hair, his eyes still shut while he shakes his head. Why for him... Why for him are they so willing to risk everything when all he's ever done is take and take and take? Guilt consumes him, becomes him, and he can't stop seeing the faces of those he'd left behind. Even worse is the conflict in his heart. How dare he think to feel even the slightest bit touched by their desire to save him when he's caused unspeakable horrors for every single one of them? It's the hope that hurts most of all when the knowledge that he can't be saved is what he's always known.
He can't speak in the midst of his panic, only draws in ragged breaths as he struggles to calm himself down. ]
no subject
But nearly twenty-two thousand years of solitude erodes the mind, and while Dokja had been kept from insanity thanks to the Fourth Wall back then, he doesn't have anything as convenient here.
So he trembles, fingers curling in his hair, his eyes still shut while he shakes his head. Why for him... Why for him are they so willing to risk everything when all he's ever done is take and take and take? Guilt consumes him, becomes him, and he can't stop seeing the faces of those he'd left behind. Even worse is the conflict in his heart. How dare he think to feel even the slightest bit touched by their desire to save him when he's caused unspeakable horrors for every single one of them? It's the hope that hurts most of all when the knowledge that he can't be saved is what he's always known.
He can't speak in the midst of his panic, only draws in ragged breaths as he struggles to calm himself down. ]