[Hayame had not had much that she could be proud of in Horos. Even the things she thought would bring her glory or praise, like the heads of her enemies she had piled before their gate, had only seemed to garner her confusion or revulsion. She had failed, in so many things... and she had failed Liem, who she had promised to see out of Venera and the Kenoma, intent on fulfilling the debt she had saddled herself with after their meeting in an attempt to have... something, anything, to keep herself from going insane.
But even though she had regretted listening to him, despised herself for yet another failure... That woman had thanked her, clutching her child to her chest and weeping when she'd been delivered to the safehouse by a bloodied and exhausted jinba. Hayame had refused her gratitude, because... she had been willing to let her die. She had told that woman to save her thanks for the one who actually deserved it.
Except Liem was surely dead. And now that he isn't... That woman and her infant were the ones who were gone. If that Yima woman was to be believed, and Horos was now the world that was dead or gone...
Hah. No, to count that act as something she could be proud of, as something “good” she had finally managed to do...]
If you were not dead, then only torture or execution awaited you, I was sure, and so…
[No, not sure, though in her eyes the Regent had only ever been harsh and cruel in their public judgements, she-]
... For your sake, I had hoped you perished.
[As cruel as it sounded... For a woman who'd considered Horos a hell, perhaps it was actually the kindest thing she could hope for a person. As cold as the words would be on paper… there is a unexplainable emotion welling you in her and staining her voice.
Relief. Selfish, shameful relief.
Hayame begins to rise, but... not actually to her feet. For some reason, she seems to just be... rearranging herself on the ground, more facing towards him, her head downwards in contrition.]
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But even though she had regretted listening to him, despised herself for yet another failure... That woman had thanked her, clutching her child to her chest and weeping when she'd been delivered to the safehouse by a bloodied and exhausted jinba. Hayame had refused her gratitude, because... she had been willing to let her die. She had told that woman to save her thanks for the one who actually deserved it.
Except Liem was surely dead. And now that he isn't... That woman and her infant were the ones who were gone. If that Yima woman was to be believed, and Horos was now the world that was dead or gone...
Hah. No, to count that act as something she could be proud of, as something “good” she had finally managed to do...]
If you were not dead, then only torture or execution awaited you, I was sure, and so…
[No, not sure, though in her eyes the Regent had only ever been harsh and cruel in their public judgements, she-]
... For your sake, I had hoped you perished.
[As cruel as it sounded... For a woman who'd considered Horos a hell, perhaps it was actually the kindest thing she could hope for a person. As cold as the words would be on paper… there is a unexplainable emotion welling you in her and staining her voice.
Relief. Selfish, shameful relief.
Hayame begins to rise, but... not actually to her feet. For some reason, she seems to just be... rearranging herself on the ground, more facing towards him, her head downwards in contrition.]